1. Be more positive.
I really need to learn how to be more positive. Knowing about my B grade for medscience, i really broke down. i was thinking all negative. thinking how bad my GPA would be, thinking how my future is gone, thinking off all sorts. just because i got a B grade for one of my modules. Yes, im a pessimistic, a perfectionist, a complete stubborn person who refuses to score anything below my expectation. But then, i text weishi, and she was like 'better than scoring below 70 mah. at least got 70+' she's right. at least i didnt fail. at least its a B grade. so what if its a B? even if i failed, life still moves on. i need to be more positive of life, be more like weishi. Seeing her so happy everyday, and talking to her whenever im feeling trashy makes me feel that the world is instantly better and more hopeful. and im gonna adopt her method of life.
"you just need to learn how to fang xia."
-Weishi
2. Expect lesser from myself.
I need to lean how not to put that much of expectation on myself. Im a classic perfectionist. I expect myself to make perfect grades, to be the perfect person that everyone loves and adore. I expect from myself too much. Perfect grades, despite my mom telling me how much she doesn't require me to score perfect score, i still pressurise myself. That was why i broke down when i knew i got a B for medscience. I should stop comparing myself with others. i should not expect so much. I will try, and make the best out of my ability. if i fail, then i have no choice. But i must try but i need to lower my expectation. People say setting a high expectation leads to a better success because even if we fail, we wont fail too far from our goal. but i dont want to expect too much anymore. its getting so bad that it affects my mind and mental health very badly. Even my balding problem is back. That's why i need to learn not to expect too much and accept the result that i get from my hardwork. And as to being the perfect person everyone loves and adore, i figure i cant be that person. Besides i dont wake up everyday to impress every single person in the world. I only require a few close friends, true friends to really love and adore me, for who i am. So yea, i need to stop expecting myself from being so far away from my own definition of 'perfect'.
"I dont want a smart daughter. I want a healthy daughter, even if she score badly in school"
-Mummy
3. Excel in all aspects.
This is a little contradicting to my previous resolution but to excel in all aspects doesnt mean i need to be perfect in all aspects. it just mean that i need to be good at it, not PERFECT at it. Like excelling in studies, can mean that im getting relatively decent GPAs above 3.5 every sem that can allow me to enter NTU Science faculty (hopefully). And excelling in dance, means being able to dance gracefully and completely loving it. Like i always have. I wanna excel in being a better person too. Im not a good person now. i admit. Im selfish. Im inferior. Im spoilt. Im unreasonable. Im... not good. But i wanna make a change. I wanna change my personality for the better.
"Its no point being good at academics but you fail as a person overall."
4. Be prettier, feel prettier.
Two words to sum it all--Inferiority complex. I dont find myself pretty. I dont find myself slim. I dont find myself anyway close to the definition of beauty. I am not some attention seeker or whatsoever. i do mean it. I stare in the mirror, and all i see is pimples, scars eyebags. I look at my body and all i see is bulging tummy, fat thighs and muscular calves. I find others 100000x prettier than me. Sometimes, its not just physically prettier, its also because they feel pretty about themselves too. feeling confident and comfortable with who and what they are. I dont like it when people compliment me but neither do i like to hear criticism. I personally find Anne Hathaway and Emma Watsons drop dead gorgeous. And i find my friends beautiful too. That's why, in 2013, im gonna stop complaining and make changes. Extra fats, shed it off. Extra 'decorations' on my face, wash my face clean so they dont come out. And lastly, inferiority complex, shed it off. Feel beautiful, be beautiful.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
-Joe, The Princess Diaries
5. Bring back the inner child/lady in me.
My friends say that im too mature for my age. Thinking wise. Parents and family thinks im too grumpy for a teen. Hence, im gonna try to bring out the inner child in me. The bubbly character back. Just laugh it off when things go wrong and move on. If i continue being so grumpy, i bet im really gonna turn 83 in no time. wrinkles and everything. I need my inner child back. and i also need my inner lady back. Im, as all agrees, TOO MANLY FOR A GIRL. i mean, set aside my voice, i act too manly. even richard is sometimes more guniang than me. HAHAHA.okay, hes gonna kill me. well, back to topic, i really am too much a guy. ive been trying to get more skirts and dress more girl-like. so the next step is to act girl. and the first thing i need to change is the way i sit. Im already manly enough. since people always say nv da shi ba bian, let the year 2013 when im eighteen, for me to grow into a charismatic, beautiful young lady (:
"The only time you are a girl, is when you shop for little things, like accessories."
-Richard
Okay, thats it! of course, the last typical resolution is to be happy (:
okay shall end off my post here. GOOD BYE PEOPLE. HAVE A BLAST IN 2013! <3
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