Inauspicious ending of 2012

last day of 2012, and the only news thats good is that im still on holiday. but the nad news is, med science is out. and i did badly. 74. how the hell did i get 74. not even close to a 80. not even close to a A. whats wrong. i dont know. i seriously dont know what went wrong. i thought the paper was okay. i thought i did fine. i thought. but now its confirmed that what i thought was wrong.

i seriously cannot get over it. med science has no finals. im really counting on CT to bring the grades up. especially since its a topic i like alot. but no. how did i score a 74 for a module that i studied, that i understood and that i honestly believed that i memorised the things more vividly than ANY of my other modules? whats better. i know of someone who didnt study much, only took a quick glance at the topic that is heavily tested just 1min before entering the exam hall, got a score way better than me. yknow, scoring bad is alrdy devastating, knowing that makes me want to kill myself even more. the feeling is like secondary school when i cheated for a geography test and i actually FAILED the test. yknow that, 'im sure im gonna do well.' and yet i dont? i was only dependent on this module to pull up my GPA slightly higher. guess not. so what if i did well for last sem? this sem is a flop.

i dont know what to expect for anymore. not for ochem. not for cell bio. not for bstats. i guess the only good thing that will ever happen in 2013 is that i didnt fail any modules and wont need to retake it. but then the bad part of it is, my GPA is gonna suck like nobody's business.

i really dont know what went wrong. someone enlighten me.

 im actually under a whole lot of stress now. im so afraid that my results are so bad that people will start judging me. im even more afraid that they will take last sem and this sem to compare and say that its because of my dance, or even getting involved in BGR making me score badly. i know it doesnt. and im so afraid anyone, or more specifically, my mom, will think that way. i really tried...

why didnt my hardwork pay off..i dont understand a single bit of this. complacency?