DETEST.

do you really hate me that much? what did I even do? you happy then talk, not happy, even me waking up is a crime now. should I just sleep forever?

I've tolerated your naggings, not just nagging for me, even for her and him.

I've tolerated your scoldings, and most of the time it doesn't even concern me.

I've tried to go according to your wishes. but what returns, is your unsatisfactory because I was 'lethargic' and 'ignoring you'.

I don't know what to do anymore. even this morning. I woke up. made breakfast. you asked me if I wanted to go out and eat. and I said no, I don't want to. note that the night before, you didn't even say anything about going out to eat so I slept slightly later. but I still woke up at 9plus. then you suddenly mood swing. you Started to sigh (like how you always do and it ALWAYS gets on my nerves but I kept quiet) and then you do your 'mumble nagging.' you think I am deaf or do you really think you are speaking that soft. 'thought you will want to eat so I waited for you.' and started to throw temper at me. please. I never even said that I wanted to eat. and I'm still tired and I know early in the morning I won't talk. then why would I go out with you and get another scolding for being 'lethargic' like on Wednesday?

I don't know why you are doing this to me. do you really hate me that much? I doubt so. I'm after all still your daughter right. is it because you feel that I'm like the only one daughter left at home because sissy is married now, so I cannot have any more personal space to myself anymore and all should be given to you? I cannot have the right to be silent, no right to be tired. all I'm supposed to do is to entertain you, take care of you, even if I'm drop dead tired or really don't feel like talking. I guess you assume that I'm supposed to adopt sissy's bubbly personality.

I guess you think too highly of me. If you think scolding me will make me suddenly think and 'click' I'll be that bubbly, you are wrong. you just makes me not want to come home, not want to go out with you and not want to talk to you. because there's no certainty when you will flare up at me.


2 times in three days. this is too much for me. don't ask me why am I happier with my friends. because being at home or alone with you is slowly becoming suffocating. I'll never know if what I'm doing is right or wrong. it's like a game. just that there's no restart button. if I could, I'll hit the quit button already.

but its okay. I'll bear with it. I'll just tolerate like how I always do.