Resolution on a Tuesday morning

On the train to work, and I finally figured out this hollowness inside of me.

My brain and heart is telling ive been living my life wrong.

For as long as I can remember, im hurting people around me by being the way I am now.

Full of self-pity, complains, jealousy and a hatred towards life.

Seeing people around me, I really hate to think how im inferior to them. And as much as I have come to terms with it couple of times, none of them was long term. I go back wallowing in inferiority and self pity.

But this isn't right.

People tell me I think too much. Indeed, I do.

I complain abt things people do, but I dont see myself doing them the same. In another perspective, when im complaining abt someone, that person can be unhappy abt me too. And for all I know now, complaining abt that person doesnt make me a victim. It makes me a villian. A selfish, ignorant and arrogant princess villian. Who do I think I am for people to be nice to me when im so mean?

I don't deserve any of the good from people because I can only see bad. That's my problem.

I speak fast, without thinking. I complain, without thinking. I whine, without thinking. Without thinking if any of it could hurt someone. Without thinking that it was actually me being mean in the situation, not the other party.

My family, friends, acquaintances. Im sorry.

Im sorry, people around me, for letting you guys know me. For selfishly entering into your life. For being such a burden in your life because im this careless. This stupid. This soul who should have never been around to mess with your lives.

This will stop now. I promise.