Soooooooooooooo. Final exams are round the corner. and Physio is just next week. Yes, im stressed out. Yes, im still procrastinating. Yes, i shouldnt be doing this. But whatever. Let me finish this blog post before i get back to work. Many things happened, but they are kinda blurry impressions in my mind now. i seem to be suffering from short term memory. or maybe from some mental diseases that i dont know. but oh well~ its just gonna be a month. IM GONNA PULL THROUGH. Ive did it once during Olvls, and im gonna continue surviving this academic battle. Not to prove to anyone that im smart, but because i have family and friends who are supporting me. even if i fail, i tried. even if i fail, i survived. and thats my goal from today onwards. To survive. I may not be the first, I may not be the best. But i will, be one of those, who continues to press on to the very last moment.
Tuesday this week, i had three mental breakdowns. First from pressure in decision, second in dance and third academic. Pressure in decision has been solved. Like what Sabrina said, "nobody is going to be able to judge if the choice you make is right or wrong. You are the only one judging. So stop judging, make a choice wisely and MAKE IT RIGHT." That really woke me up. I shouldnt be constantly worrying if my choice is gonna be the correct one, i shouldnt be constantly worrying if my decision is gonna make everyone happy. ITS MY CHOICE. and even if its wrong, its MY responsibility to make it right.
Dance, was plainly because of steps. I get very frustrated when i cant remember the steps. It's like my brain is failing me. since secondary school, i get very fed up whenever this happens to me. but i know its more of muscle memory. because im still trying to adapt to rumba after learning cha cha for the past 3 month plus. and since steps are similar, i still need time to adapt. Right? right. okay case close. Im just taking time to adapt. i need to relax and chill.
Academically wise, was partly due to the CCT, which i found out that i just threw 15 marks out of the window for nothing and because people around me are constantly studying and thinking and talking about GPA. GPA,GPA, GPA. WHATS YOUR MARK. WHATS YOUR SCORE. I really dont get it. Why must we talk about it like everyday? Yes, i know everyone are stressed, I am too. Yes, i know everyone are aiming for a 4.0, I am too. But please, im already struggling here. we all are trying to survive in this battle. Im already putting down my standards and i just wanna live my three years to the fullest. Have fun, make joke, be the joke. The world might end tonight, it might end tomorrow, it might never end. But the point is, why make your world surround around one single subject. Move on. This is the time for studying, not for stressing the shit out of everyone. Im easily stressed out, but i dont say that like everytime. i put it on my face, but i dont further explain it. I brush it off with a simple 'Im tired'. so im warning everyone, if anyone is gonna talk to me and put me in my stress mode again from now till exams, TALK TO MY PHALANGES. Don't blame me raging. TYVM.
okay, i need to chill. photo time!
Awesome people im gonna miss having class picnics with :') THE YAWNING PIZZA! MUST MUST MUST MEET UP KAY!
okay, end of post. i should go study right now :)
We are young. We live only once. The world might end today, tomorrow or 100 years later. Every second in our life matters. If you can't live it with a smile, at least live it with your best effort trying to find a reason to smile. from the bottom of your heart.
goodnight! :)
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