okay, so today i met up with leepeng&co. for pool. really suck at it. HAHAHAHA. im really smoking my way through only. hahaha. oh well, for someone who has such serious parallax error, pool really aint my thing. hahaha.
SO, since ive decided to post, i shall do a long and wordy one! hiakhiak. lets go!
- I'm a dancer.
Yes, im a dancer. and honestly speaking. i wasn't planning to be one. I've never imagined myself, being in dance shoes. And now, i have ballet shoes and latin dance shoes, im very proud to say that im a dancer, and i love it. It was probably fate that brought me to dance. Had i not been in dance, I wouldn't have met awesome people like them.
My bestie, girlf, sinclair, charmaine. They make up such an important part of my life, and it was because of dance, that i got to know them, got to know such awesome friends i know i can count on no matter what happens. (: I'm still dancing right now, just not contemporary anymore. i'm doing Latin dancing. and i've met awesome people as well.
2. I've no idea why am i in a science course.
I've never thought about going to a JC in my entire life. I've never even imagined myself touching science after O Levels, and had always wanted to go into a business course of Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Yes, Im in Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Though it take an hour and a half to go to school, im still not regretting my choice. and right now, im not regretting my choice for entering BMS either. Why? I have two reasons.
One, had i entered another course, i wouldn't have met such awesome friends. PHALANGES. <3
Theres still Denise and Jodie. But i can't find the photos.. I shall take photos with them! They are really fun to hang out with. I thought it would be hard to hang out in large groups, because for the past few years, i've always been used to only cling onto my bestie. They make it so easy for me to hang out in the group. <3 them :)
Two, I can't imagine myself doing another thing other than Science.
3. I'm VERY accident-prone.
Nobody likes being injured, hurt or just have ugly scars on their body right. But sadly, im very accident prone and extremely clumsy. Take yesterday for example, crossing an overhead bridge can be deem as a dangerous act for me, and to make things worse, it was raining and the floor was slippery. so being the clumsy me, i fell. yes, read more in my previous post. my hilarious fall. okay, set that aside. I'm really very accident prone. I can just knock into the wall while walking (apparently i have a problem where i can't walk in a straight line, and am attracted to the walls), i can knock my knees onto the tables while getting up my seat, i can hit my elbow against anything when all i do is to raise it slightly. How ridiculous an injury may be, you name it, i might have the possibility of getting it. But i cant do anything about it. really. im just born this way. i've tried being very careful. but if there's one minute (actually one second would be sufficient) that i lose focus, i would just knock stupidly into something that a normal person would have been smart enough to avoid. Bruises on me are like decorations. They can appear there, and i will be like 'oh! how did i get that' hahaha. oh well. I am Bruise Lee.
4. I'm a perfectionist.
Never knew i was, but my friends pointed it out to me. And i realise this is becoming a huge problem with me. I'm asking for perfection in everything. academic wise, my life, myself. And this can be a good thing, because things i do, will be at least be close to perfect because i try making it to be. but it sometimes get the better of me, and overwhelms me so much, that i become not 'myself'. how to say.. let's take it this way. I get jealous of others. I get angry. I throw tantrums. In simpler terms, i turn into a monster. Right now, im trying to make myself less of one. its okay to be one, but in my case, it has gone too much. sad to say, my attempts are rather much useless .___.
5. I laugh silently.
Yes, I laugh silently. I must have trained it subconsciously while laughing at people behind their backs (oops) so well, karma strikes, and i laugh silently right now. its not like i cant make sound when i laugh, i can. but sometimes, when the laugh gets so out of control, im just like a muted doll, laughing till i have tears in my eye. and people around me are EXTREMELY amused by that fact. especially people in NPDS. hahaha. And Jolene is my voice-over. She will do the 'HAHAHA' for me when i start laughing silently. but that just makes things worst, cos everytime she does that, its even harder to stop laughing! that time i laughed for like hours and for the next few days, my stomach was aching and my chest sometimes hurts when i laugh again! oh my, laughing too hard alrdy. (HAHAHA ) <<< an illustration of my very special laughter.
6. I have a very deep voice.
Yes, people have mistaken me for a guy when i speak to them over the phone. Yes, people on the MRT have jumped (literally) aside when i said 'excuse me' so they can make way for me to pass because they were shocked at my voice. Yes, there had been friends who have been so fascinated at my low voice. And i made Weishi have goosebumps while teaching her math because my voice was that low. Frankly speaking, my voice is even lower than some guys. and i can't sing. I mean, i can, but i need to use my very fake voice to sound like a girl and sing certain songs. (thats why i go kbox just to eat the snacks or to enjoy the aircon and sleep) There had been times when i wonder what happened to my voice. I do remember having a very high-pitch voice, back when i was still a very girly girl. back when pink and skirts were my favourite. back when i would get angry at people who called me a pig, and insisted that i was born in the year of rabbit, because the rabbit is prettier. and i sometimes get quite upset. Why do i not sound like a girl? i probably only sound like a girl when i scream. which sometimes ends up as a growl with my low voice. but oh well, this deep voice. its part of me, and that's what makes me special. Though honestly speaking, people would be more shocked now when they hear me speaking more girl-like. during attendance taking, during presentations, my voice changes. That time during Microbiology presentation, it was so obvious that everyone's eyes were like wide open. HOW THE HELL WOULD CHEWLIN SOUND LIKE THIS?! yes, im sure thats what was running through their minds. HAHAHAHAHA.
7. I am inferior about myself.
I have received compliments, but they always leave me with goosebumps. I cannot accept compliments, especially compliments about my looks. I feel very inferior about myself. Why? Im just not confident. (...) okay, that was just plain lame. actually i dont know. Appearance wise, maybe its the society, maybe its the social networking that made me feel that im just an average girl next door, or just some dinosaur who blends perfectly well into the background. There are so many girls out there, so pretty, so beautiful, so slim, so perfect. and me? huge eyebags, fatty thighs, muscular calves ugly fat toes. People might scold me crazy. They may scold me stupid for being inferior. but what am I? A perfectionist. exactly. get it now? i cannot accept myself being less than the 'perfect' image i have of myself. or rather, my expectations. and its not only looks. academically wise as well. After leaving my comfort zone of secondary school, im not the girl who can score As and still watch all my dramas. Things have changed, and this added on to my inferiority. Also, im constantly comparing myself with others, think too much, then get myself into bad mood. Inferiority, is eating me, like how guilt does to me.
8. I hate to be scolded for things they do the same.
what it means? simple, remember the saying, whenever you scold someone, reflect on yourself? only when you aint making the same mistake, then are you even able to say another person's fault. And i hate it, when people scold me for things they do the same. I mean, why are you scolding me, when apparently you are making the same mistake?! i know im wrong but shouldnt you reflect on your own actions too?! and if you were to make the same mistake, you are definitely NOT in any position to comment about me. I do not take it that you are older, or you are much more experienced than me. If what actions I do is deemed wrong, then why are you doing the same?! reflect on yourself, before coming to reprimand me or anyone about any thing.
9. I have no image at all.
Yeap, i have entirely, NO IMAGE at all. image. not impressions i give to people. image as in, like how i behave around people. yea. I dont have one. at least not a good one. I dont put up a facade, because i find that very tiring. i do not put up a facade to cover up my flaws or unglamness. i can just burp right in front of anyone, i can just eat like a monster in front of anyone, i can just sit with my legs wide spread open and i still dont give a damn. I can get extremely unglam but still wont put up a facade. Like i said, its so tiring. Im unglam, then so be it. But i have the basic courtesy, to not be that unglam in front of the older ones. As much as i dont have an image in front of my friends and close family, i still need to save some face for my family right. that's why, i get extremely uneasy and awkward at some family gatherings. And of course, i think im that random and no image to the extend that i just mention my weight whenever asked. Yes im a girl. Yes, i have no image at all.
10. I hate to feel lonely.
I have this insecurity since secondary school, after going through being outcasted, being left out, being left behind. I'm sick and tired of feeling so lonely. yes, i see my friends as important as my family. And when some leaves, i get very upset. I dont like to lose friends. I dont like to feel lonely. The feeling sucks. Having no one to talk to, having to eat alone, having entirely nothing to do after school because you dont have any friends that are willing to accompany you or even ask you out. These sucks. I know i have my flaws. But sometimes, i rather people confront me, let me know. i might cry, i might get pissed, but at least i knew where went wrong. and where i can make it up. I'm human too. I can't please everyone. But if you are just gonna be angry at me, and not tell me anything but just leave me behind, i feel even more uncomfortable. To this date, i'm still scared that someday, my group of friends would just leave me. I know there would be some point of time where friends come and go. but i never wanna feel like i have entirely no one and no friends at all. because im such an awful person that everyone just despise me and leave me. I dont ever wanna go back to those days. it was hell.
okay, so ive finished 10 facts. actually i just randomly whack. i dont even know what im typing towards the ends. i dont know myself well. but im still trying to know myself better. there are just times when i wished tat i could have a mirror or time travel machine to see myself. what a person i have been. but then again, i would have been an extremely awful person in the past and i dont wanna know because i will then fear karma, which is bound to happen >< but past doesn't define me. im gonna make the present me, and the future me, a better person. (:
Pinky Promise.
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