POINTLESS

20 more minutes to first organic chemistry practical. 3 hours of Chem practical and Tuesday school will come to an end. end. yea. end of the day. but definitely, not end of this freaking shit.

woke up this morning, completely angst. since morning till now, I think i didn't speak for more than 30 sentences. I've been so quiet that Weishi, Theresa and Jaclyn thinks there something wrong with me. Weishi being her cheery mode tried talking to me, but I'll end up shunning her away. Theresa tried cheering me up and Jaclyn offered to help me carry my Bstats textbook, which is horrendously expensively AND ridiculously heavy. but I'm really not in a mood to smile and talk. I'm just so tired.

I've no idea what gotten into me, but I think it's prolly my wisdom tooth and the ulcer causing my moodswings. sometimes it even hurt to eat and bite. (porridge for the rest of the week I guess) but I don't wanna extract it. it would cost a bomb to extract them. and I just finished filling up all my decay teeth. and I paid half of my dental bill. then now, I buy the Bstats textbook. seriously. it's 42.80. for a module that I know I will screw up damn badly. I dont know why, but I keep feeling very tight on cash recently. I don't wanna claim the money from my mom, I don't wanna touch my savings and there's so many events I see coming up that I must spend money. it's all for dance. but I don't wanna quit it. and yet it's occasionally straining my financial ability. let's just hope I would have saved up enough for Sarawak comp and gala.

was reading my notes ytd and I felt so overwhelmed. it's like... I don't know. last sem, got a GPA of 3.95. it isn't making me motivated. it's making me scared. I'm so scared of failing. so afraid of failing my own expectations. then just now, Bstats lecture was just plain annoying. why the hell am I supposed to learn that. I'm gonna screw that up seriously.





10 minutes to OChem lab. please let everything be quick and smooth. I don't know how long more can I keep my brain functioning. it's barely working enough but I'm so worn out already. and it's only second day of school. what's wrong with me. -shoots self-