I Survived.
Writing this in advance again, now dated at 22th February 2015. This post would be separated in a few days/weeks/months, and I think I'll add a timestamp every time i re-edit this. It will officially go live on the day I receive my diploma (22nd May, hopefully), which is exactly 3 months from now.
Honestly speaking, I've drafted tons of drafts as my graduation post since the start of Year 3. I know I've left this space empty enough, only occasionally coming back to rant. Now that there's dayre, I don't even come back to this space anymore. But, blogging still remains as my number 1 favourite spot to write. Hopefully, I'll get more inspiration to write, more abstract ideas that fly past my pea-brain that I can share with you all. That placed aside, I've had a "10 things I realised about being a Poly student" ('poly life is NOT jalan jalan go garden walk one round' being the first), and also a "My Valedictorian Speech" drafted, because I know that I'm not going to be the Valedictorian. Because, I'm not the top student, neither do I speak well (unless I practice like million times). Also, I'm not as capable and amazing as the other students, who I have the utmost admiration for their humbleness, friendliness, determination and perseverance. Besides, I don't think the school will want someone who can turn the whole serious "Valedictorian" speech into a stand up comedy with a weird accent. All I wanted to be one, was because I wanted to use that as bargaining chip for my dad to come. Selfish of me, so selfish. Hence, my stand up comedy will be kept for my own entertainment while I listen attentively to whoever is the Valedictorian on that day.
Back to the topic on my post, results are not out, but I'm pretty sure that I can graduate, meaning that I've passed everything. But whether or not I did well, that's another story. However, that's no longer up to my say. Papers have been submitted. I've worked hard (while procrastinating), I've tried bombing every single ridiculous answers without actually understanding if what I did was right. I've checked with my friends' answers and have received quite a few definite 'no, your answer is wrong. He mentioned it in class about "....." ' or "no, he said the answer is '....' ". So, pretty sure tons of marks already flew away. Nonetheless, keeping what my mom always say in mind, what matters is that I passed and I didn't cheat.
"If I failed, I fail with integrity. If I pass, I pass with clear conscience"
That's all that matters to me right now. Although, it does hurt me (very much) how I did not perform as well, as how I expected. I feel I've let people down, especially lecturers, friends and family. I hereby apologize, in advance, for my incapability and for being a disappointment.
Maybe some would be confused why didn't I just post those that I've already drafted,knowing how lazy I actually am. Of course, the Valedictorian post will never be going live. The other one, I may consider posting. In fact, I should publish it even before this, giving those entering into polytechnic a heads up. After a very gruesome Year 3 and a mind-boggling week during exams, I've been through quite a lot in just a year. Needless to say, I've been through even more in 3 years. Occasionally, I can be reciting Genpro, and then the next minute, my mind just blank out and I start thinking about how I've come so far. Honestly, I didn't do it alone. People may say "Whatever you do in school, whether you reap good or bad, its all your doings." But no, mine wasn't. Three years, it may not be long, but it isn't short either. To be frank, I've grew so much in these 3 years, changed so much that sometimes I wonder how all these happened. Hence, one day, I decided that I don't want to make my graduation post about me anymore. It shouldn't be about what I feel. Neither should it be about what I have been through, what I have seen. Rather, I want it to be about the people I've met. (okay, it's still about me but still.) I want my readers to know who were there for me. Most importantly, I want the people who have been in this with me together, know how much I am grateful for them. This is introductory and salutatory post to the people I have the world's greatest gratitude for. Of course, the list can go on and go and I can say so many things about the wonderful people I've met. I may miss some, but please be rest assured, I did not forget about you. You are always in my heart, and on my mind. They do not come in particular order either. However, do mind that this is an extremely wordy and long post ( you should have guessed it by now and...what's new).
1.
Her self-given English name is Shirley, pronounced not the conventional way though. "Sh-air-ly" is how she introduce herself, despite much efforts to correct her pronunciation. She's a petite lady, but with a very big heart. I inherited my sharp chin, short body from her. She is my best friend, my best listener. She is my mother.
Her self-given English name is Shirley, pronounced not the conventional way though. "Sh-air-ly" is how she introduce herself, despite much efforts to correct her pronunciation. She's a petite lady, but with a very big heart. I inherited my sharp chin, short body from her. She is my best friend, my best listener. She is my mother.
She brought me up, watched me graduate from primary school, secondary school, and now from polytechnic. She have seen every part of me and knows me inside out. Particularly on studies, she hasn't placed any expectation nor stress on me. Besides forcing me to memorize the multiplication table in primary school, I probably haven't received any kind of stress since then. Maybe it's because of my sister, who wasn't the studious kind but very street-smart. Unfortunately, street-smart wasn't enough to be reflected on transcripts. Since then, my mom never held any expectation for me, thinking that I would be a replica of my sister. All she wanted from me, was to be happy-live a happy life, get a diploma, secure a job and having the ability to feed myself. She didn't even expect me to have a goal of sending her and daddy overseas nor any of those extravagant "filial" acts.
She's a really funny person. Always asking me to dress up, put on make up. Can you imagine how many times my mom actually asked me to get out of the house and meet my friends? Endless. Every Friday is our date night, because only on Fridays, am I willing to leave the house for dinner at NEX. That's why my mom always say that others are "army girlfriends" while she is "army mother". However, her situation was so much worse. At least, the army gets to book out Friday, Saturday and half of Sunday. Me? A quarter of Friday. As much as we always laugh it off, there's always an aching part of me that is upset how little time I've given my mom.
In terms of school, she has been very understanding for the past 3 years and always thought of/done things for my best interest. Every time the results slips get sent to our house, there was never once that my mom opened it up, even when I was overseas for YEP. It wasn't that she wasn't curious, she was. Very much. However, she didn't want me to feel that she has intruded my privacy by opening my letters. Also, all she wanted to know was if I passed, not if I did well. So it didn't matter when did she see it. Though every time I showed her my results slip, she would always look at me in disbelief, asking me how did I even do my exams. Nonetheless, she was still concerned with "pass or not?". That's all. Nothing more.
In Year 2, I finally got my scholarship from Ngee Ann. However, along with that came immense stress. To add on to the situation, it was the semester with the legendary Immunology, which was only second in difficulty to Genpro. She saw the amount of stress I placed on myself and asked me not just once, but umpteenth times to withdraw from the scholarship. She even told me to give her any contact number that she can call to request for withdrawal. Of course, I didn't. Even until today, while I was applying all the scholarships for University, while there were possibilities of me even getting one, she never supported my decision for one. Her reasons? "I just want a happy daughter. Do you understand the stress that comes along with it? You've been through 2 years. It's not like I got no money to send you to school. Why are you doing this to yourself?" Till today, I remain amazed at how she sincerely wanted me to just do mediocre in school, but be happy, rather than scoring As and be stressed as hell.
There was one time that I scored really well for a semester, the results came in on the day of her birthday. After the birthday celebration, I silently pulled her to one side and told her about it. Till today, I cannot forget how tight she held my hand, how happy she was and she said "this is the best birthday present ever.". She knew how hard I studied, even forgoing sleep on the day before one of the papers. She was more than happy to know that my efforts paid off.
Recently, from an instagram post, she knew I've finished the food at home. The next day, she came home with a box of 8 cupcakes, 4 boxes of Jacob's biscuit, 3 Sunshine bread rolls, 2 packets of instant pau and a whole bag full of fruits and vegetables. She carried everything from NEX back home alone, which was a good 15-30 min walk, because on that day, I wanted to study for exams and didn't meet her for our weekly grocery shopping. She didn't say anything about being tired. She didn't complain. She happily listed everything that she bought, telling me where she placed them, telling me what she bought and that I can eat them anytime I want because those were for me.
Also during the recent exam, I studied in my room. Unlike the other semesters where I studied in the living room because my mom and sister needed to sleep. Since my sister moved out, I've been studying in the room. Although my mom did tell me to continue studying and not mind her while she slept, it eventually turned into her sleeping on the couch. She knew I preferred to study in the room, so she let me do so. As much as she told me how she can sleep better on the couch, I knew it was uncomfortable. This carried on for weeks, only when I finished my exams, did she went back to the room to sleep. Also, she knew that I needed a quiet environment, so she would leave the house to NEX, alone or with her friends, so that she won't disturb me. One thing that was funny was, I study in a very weird manner. Unlike how people think, like I always study on my table memorizing every single freaking word. No, I don't.
Sometimes I'm either lying on the bed, chanting and sleeping, waking up and chanting again, or I'll be on my laptop watching nickelodeon/disney/glee/BBT. If not you will find me squatting in one corner, or walking from the room to room. Despite all my weird antics, she never scolded me for not focusing. Instead, when she see me lazing on the bed, she asked me "sleeping ah? sleep la sleep la. Sleep good." My aunt once asked why didn't my mom scold me. She just said "what's the point." She knew that if I really didn't want to study, scolding will only make it worse. Also, she believe that I would study if I really wanted to. She had the faith that I would take charge and the responsibility of my education. Indeed, she was absolutely right.
I cannot thank her enough for all that she has done. All those late nights that she spent on the couches, all the times she had to put up with my PMS temper, and all the rants she had to hear from me. Most importantly, I am thankful for how she has taught me to forgive&forget, how to deal with the things in school, how to only focus on doing well myself and not let others form stress on me. There are so many things that she taught me. So many life lessons. I'm also thankful how she never once formed stress on me and merely wanted me to be happy and healthy. There's no amount of description word that can describe how much gratitude I have for this petite lady, who has given me life, given me so much more in life, given me the best that she can afford.
2.
He has "Willian" tattooed on his arm. He worked in a workshop, making car number plates. Probably, the number plates of many cars, buses and taxis you see on the streets were made by him. When I was younger, I liked to sit in the car and spot number plates made by him. Maybe OCD runs in the family, his number plates always had perfect spacings. He would also spot number plates that sounded like they were scolding someone when spoken in slang and point them out so that the family could have a good laugh. "Ah Meng" was what everyone called him. My sister and I grew up making fun of how his name resembles the famous monkey in the zoo. My shelter and protector was how I always viewed him. He is my dad.
He has "Willian" tattooed on his arm. He worked in a workshop, making car number plates. Probably, the number plates of many cars, buses and taxis you see on the streets were made by him. When I was younger, I liked to sit in the car and spot number plates made by him. Maybe OCD runs in the family, his number plates always had perfect spacings. He would also spot number plates that sounded like they were scolding someone when spoken in slang and point them out so that the family could have a good laugh. "Ah Meng" was what everyone called him. My sister and I grew up making fun of how his name resembles the famous monkey in the zoo. My shelter and protector was how I always viewed him. He is my dad.
Since a baby, I've always had my dad driving me everywhere.
In kindergarten, he would drive me to my grandma house in the morning, and then my grandpa/grandma would send me to school when it's time. Occasionally, I would ask him for "buy thing lui (money) ". He would always give me a buck or two to buy snacks at the nearby mama shop. On days when my sister was with me, he would give a little more.
In primary school, I was sent to school every day by car although I just live in the building outside school. My friends always thought that I live very far and were amused how I only live nearby. I wasn't given keys until about primary 5. When my school changed to the morning shift for all levels, he would leave his work, fetch me from school, stop outside our house to put my bag at home and bring down my slippers to change before sending me to my grandma house again. When it was raining, all I had to do was call him and he would rush down to send me home. Sometimes, he would fetch my friends as well. Because my dad is tanned and always frowned, my friend always asked him "Uncle, you angry ah?" It was then my dad would chuckle and shake his head.
In secondary school, my dad sent me to school as well. He was the reason why I was never late for school. Well, except once. Because my mom forgot to wake me up. However, he always made sure that I was in school on time. He would also always remind me to bring my keys and wallet, because he knew that I'm just such a blur person. Once, I forgot to bring my lunch money, so I was starving in school. Since then, he would place 10-20 bucks in my wallet, in case of emergency. Till today, those 20 bucks are still in my wallet. I've forgot a few times and actually used the money. But I've never asked him for more. I merely put my pocket money back into the slot to replenish the amount. He inculcated the habit of having "spare money" in me, which was a huge help for me, especially since back then I didn't own a NETS card yet. Sometimes when my school needed me to be in school at 530 for performance preparation, he would also send me to school. Complains? Never heard of them. Although it would mean he had to wake up at 330 and had a long day at work ahead, he never complained.
In polytechnic, he still send me to the shuttle bus stop / mrt station every morning. It was only in Year 3 when my classes started later that I went to school on my own. However, every Tues/Thurs, he would come and fetch me from school after dance. Sometimes, he would be too busy to come. Other times, he would push away his appointments, just so he can send me home early. So that I can shower and go to bed early after such a long day in school. There was once when it was raining and he fetched me from amk. The moment I got in, slightly drenched, he didn't say anything but helped me wiped away the rain droplets on my hair and clothes. It was then I realised that my dad has really aged. Comparing to the same situation back in primary school, his wrinkles were obvious, had more white hair and was visibly exhausted.
He may look authoritative, he may be loud with his words, he may also be hurtful sometimes. But my mom always told me to understand how my dad do not actually mean what he say and how much did my dad put in to bring up both my sister and I. He worked hard at work to feed me. He sacrificed a lot for me. Whatever I wanted, he would try his best to give it to me. There was once when I worked in Mango till the wee hours, he waited in the car for 4 hours to send me home. Besides asking me why I worked until so late, there was no other scoldings. I was never deprived of anything, despite not coming from a wealthy family. Because I had him as my dad, one who is so selfless and loving. Two times when I've left the house for 2/3 weeks for overseas trip, he also sent me to the airport, repeatedly telling me to take care of myself, call home often, and would get jealous that I chatted with the others in the family group chat or if I only WA-ed my mother. Beneath that tough front, I see him as the best dad in the world.
I cannot thank him enough for all these years of love. Sometimes, I even wonder if I can love my child as much as he (and my mom) did. To me, they are my role model, the best parents. and I love them very very much.
3.
(24th February)
"IF I CAN FIND IT IN THE TEXTBOOK, YOU WILL GET IT FROM ME," always ring in my head from time to time. From the initial fear, to now brushing it off with the amused giggle. If people around me has noticed, I rarely ask people for help if I did not have any assumptions/idea or didn't any form of research before it. It also gets on my nerves whenever someone come and ask me for a certain issue without even thinking through or attempting to resolve the questions themselves (we live in an era with something very powerful called the internet, dear cavemen), though I would help them google the answer after a while (hence, I actually ain't that smart after all.) Well anyway, this weird habit of mine was inculcated in me by none other than my sister.
(24th February)
"IF I CAN FIND IT IN THE TEXTBOOK, YOU WILL GET IT FROM ME," always ring in my head from time to time. From the initial fear, to now brushing it off with the amused giggle. If people around me has noticed, I rarely ask people for help if I did not have any assumptions/idea or didn't any form of research before it. It also gets on my nerves whenever someone come and ask me for a certain issue without even thinking through or attempting to resolve the questions themselves (we live in an era with something very powerful called the internet, dear cavemen), though I would help them google the answer after a while (hence, I actually ain't that smart after all.) Well anyway, this weird habit of mine was inculcated in me by none other than my sister.
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| A photo with my sister, and her unborn children creatively named "Chestnut" and "Walnut" by me. |
From a very young age, we argued a lot. Why? She's older by 7 years, which means when she started to get exposed to the society, I was merely learning how to properly write alphabets and numbers in my jotter books. I found myself playing role-play all alone, and it was always common for her to come and pick up an argument with me out of the blue. However, she was my role model. I've always seen her as a prediction as to what I will go through in the future. Like a 7 years ahead preview y'know? Most importantly, she played a really huge role in making who I am today, and how much I actually achieved so far.
I wasn't a bright (still am not.) kid. Always running to my sister for help with my work, only to be threatened that I would "get it" if she actually found the information I needed from the textbooks (which miraculously appeared every time she flipped the books, but always missing whenever I tried searching for them). During my O's, I came home with what my parents' wanted me to: a long list of eligible courses so that I could actually get somewhere and get a diploma. However, I was very indecisive. My sister just calmly took my paper, strike off all the courses/schools that I would not have been interested in and narrowed it so much. Even part of reason why I chose Science over Business (though everyone in secondary school knew I wanted to go for Business Studies in NP) was because she said "there's already an accountant/business student at home, go to Science." (But I secretly suspect that she knew I liked BMS over business since I had posters of it over my cupboard, so she just spite me to go there) And so, here I am, being a science student in Ngee Ann. Travelling 1.5 hrs to and fro school every single day for the past 3 years for constant bombardment of words that I couldn't even pronounce properly.
Besides helping me with great decisions, she was always there for me whenever I needed emotional support, especially since Secondary 4. I remembered how I screamed in the house for her to shut up and stop whining to her then-boyfriend because it's distracting me from doing my Math Ten Years Series. However, as angry as she was, she breathed "I'll tolerate" in Mandarin. Then there was another time when I actually scored really really bad for English and she text me, while I replied "Can't talk right now. I'm emotionally unstable" because my tears were threatening to fall on the bus. (I then became the "emotionally unstable" sister among her friends who happened to see the text). Also, there were so many times when she had to suffer (pretty much in silence) my sleep-kicking whenever I was feeling stressed from school.
In Poly, I was faced with issues, especially for working with group mates. I admit that I'm a very dominant person when it comes to work. It isn't that I demand people to do work while I do nothing, but I demand quality work and work to be done whenever they should be. This gets on my nerves sometimes, especially if I can't actually get the people to do, or they have other commitments. However, my sister merely told me "So what are you gonna do? Leave it and don't do? Grades are yours too. If they aren't going to do it, then you do it. Just suck it up and do.". Great advice. (Though it became a little pressurizing on my group mates because I always finish a little bit too much of the work, leaving them nothing/little to finish.) But being me, I can't entirely suck it up. I will complain first, and then suck it up and do work.
She repeatedly told me not to stress myself, especially with school work. She was always there whenever I needed comforting. After she moved out/stayed lesser at home, all it took was for my mom to tell her "Meimei recently very stress" and I would get a text from her asking if I wanted to go out. I know, maybe to her it didn't mean much. But it meant a lot to me. To be honest, I think she's the only person who can ever pull me out of my study cave at home just to go out and relax for a little bit. Occasionally, she would also text me random jokes and seriously ridiculous made-up acronyms that make me laugh so hard, my stress just disappear. Had it not been for her, I think I might have gone crazy by now.
Whenever I look at her, I honestly feel that she is the world's smartest person I've ever known. I stand firm on my ground and I wouldn't let anyone despise her merely because she went to a private university or that she didn't score well for her O's (I almost got into a quarrel with some interviewers because she insinuated that my sister was not as "bright" as I am, which till today I still find discriminatory and utterly disgusting). I was also disgusted when a particular someone criticized, perhaps unintentionally, that her degree was the lowest ranking among the others. Yes, she may not have scored well. However, she has a degree, a job, and she's happily married to Ian. What's more now, is that I know she is going to be another addition to being one of the world's greatest mom to the pair of niece/nephew that she is carefully housing (like quite literally) in her right now. She is a joy to the family and everyone loves her. Not only has she helped me by providing me with the support that I needed, she has provided me with future directions, with views that a typical teenager may not have thought of (which is why I sometimes credit my 70 year old soul to her), with thoughts so mature that sometimes I am afraid that if I didn't have her, I would have been a rebellious school-drop-out disappoint to the family by now.
On the day that I was notified of my graduation day, I immediately sent her a text. While I missed her polytechnic graduation because I had school, I definitely did not want her to miss mine, especially since she played such a huge role in helping me pull over these gruesome years of battling with studies. Besides mommy and daddy, she is the one that I hold closest to my heart. For her, I hold an immense amount of respect, admiration and gratitude, as much as those that I have for daddy and mommy.
P/S: I look forward to doting on your children and helping you to lessen your burden (don't worry, I will teach them to be smarter when studying, instead of going into "army" like me).
4.
(15th March 2015)
During orientation, both of us had the same impression of each other:
(15th March 2015)
During orientation, both of us had the same impression of each other:
Wah, this girl damn dao (unfriendly) please.
We weren't even close back in Year 1. She was always with others, and she had this superiority vibe that I didn't dare to speak up my lame gags with. I still remember being really upset over how she would go out with another friend of mine, assuming that I would be out with my then-boyfriend (which I totally did not. I was shopping around alone). During TCP enpowerment camp in Year 1, it was revealed that my personality was a High S (to which, she still calls me an ass for that) while hers was a High D (and I would return by calling her a dick. well sometimes. other times I'll just laugh it off and just say that she's being annoying again). This was surprising, because these two personalities clashes. I can't remember how did we got closer together. But somehow we did, and I am glad that we did. She is my BBFL-best bitch for life.
Weishi is the kind of person, who you totally would not be able to comprehend the way that her brain works. She is extremely intelligent, straightforward and definitely a keeper as a friend. She was always there when I needed her. Whenever I needed a listening ear, whenever I needed someone to share my joy, whenever I just needed someone who can share my anger and curse and swear whoever that stepped on my toe (especially during my PMS periods). With her petite frame and incredibly baby face, many would mistake that I'm actually the older one between the two. (her doctor/consultant thought she was 18, and said that she could pass off as a 16 and no one would doubt her words. At all). The reason why I actually said that you cannot comprehend how her brain works, is because till today, she still tells me that she aspire to be a serial killer (and whoever that dates her, please keep liquid nitrogen out of her reach if you are going to piss her off). The random shits that she tell me is so hilarious.
While we share great differences in our personality, it somehow clicked between us. Instead of clashing, it complemented. (wts, this sounds like a confession page. but no.) While I was highly indecisive, she was quick to decide and often solve our daily dilemma of what to eat for lunch. While she had a higher ego, my ego was low enough to actually go and talk to her first if we had a little bicker (this is sounding more and more like a couple. what is this). The best part between the two of us is... we share so much common lameness that our WA conversations are mainly made up of ridiculous things. Like how we are going to die with 77 cats because we can't seem to love/find someone who love us, how we are going to depend on our rich husband (who also happen to be brothers) to give us a luxurious life and we would go high tea everyday cos we live so near to each other (we are kidding. just plain day dreaming). Oh, and also how Theo James, Kim Soo Hyun, Liam Hemsworth and many many others are her boyfriend and husbands (to which I am not supposed to agree that they are good looking because they are hers, and I'm not supposed to say that they are bad-looking because... well they are hers and they HAVE to be good looking).
Ridiculous shits aside, I feel happier whenever I talk to her. She's so straightforward that she just tells you everything that you need to know--even if it hurts. She tells you what she thinks, and she tells you if what you are ranting of is trivial and you are just making a mountain out of a molehole. Sometimes, I think that I learn how to brush off issues very easily because this girl can go from talking to me about my issues (eg. stress for exams) to telling me that she's stressed on which shade of YSL lipstick should she get. While some would get offended that she totally didn't do a friend's job in comforting the other stressed party, it kind seem to me that she got so used to me ranting about my exams that she gave up and just diverted my attention to another non-important (to me) issue.
I honestly think that if I didn't actually meet her, you wouldn't see me, still considered mentally normal. I would have pushed myself to brinks and ended up being in IMH.
For her presence, I thank her for being there for me through these 3 years. And cheers to our graduation, and onward towards our goal of no-budget luxurious trip to Europe at the age of 30. Words for you (if you ever read this), I sincerely hope that you would be able to excel better in your university course because you have chosen something that you are interested in and do consider switching to audio type of studying so that you can finally reinstate your position of being the smartass cool kid in town. (which has been neglected due to the blinded judgment based on GPA, one that you are too lazy to actually work for/working the wrong way). 我们毕业了！
5.
Since I was a kid, I never had much luck in entering a class/group that had guys. Personally, I do find that classes with a good mix of guys have lesser politics and tend to bond better since there's lesser cliques. In primary school, I was always in the class with more girls. Same goes for secondary school. This gave me a hell lot of headaches because drama were everywhere (until I learnt to conceal myself within my own imaginary bubble). In Year 1, there were only 2 guys. In Year 2, I think there were only 4-5. However, the cliques have already formed and nothing changed much. Only when tiang and I had our intern, did I finally meet the other guys from the other class. Little did I know, that the four of us would become good friends and I would be so proud of them today.
(Theresa) Tiang was my partner since the very first practical and we have been in the same group ever since. We have been partners for every project (unless circumstances changes it), we have been lab partners since Year 1 and it is always me sitting next to her when we have our common test, should the arrangement go by class numbering. Our personality are very much the same. Although I am much more outspoken than her (thanks to my brain for covering up awkwardness by spilling beans about my 20 years worth of being a total klutz). I have always had (and I still do) a great admiration for her perseverance, determination and hard-working attitude. While I'm still day-dreaming about my life and wasting my time away, she is always well-revised and prepared for lessons. While she totally do not believe it, she is incredibly smart. Many times, I feel stupid and guilty next to her, because I am not putting in more effort that I should. Of course, our friendship has sometimes evolved into a sister-ship, where I always feel that there's a need to take care of her and nag her whenever she leave her wounds open (PLEASE. PLASTER.). Also, as how she describe it, we know each other well enough that sometimes we encounter telepathic moments. For example, I can go through the buffet counter and helping her with the assorted desserts without asking her whether she would like it or not. She would also be able to guess what fruits would I actually purchase from Munch when I'm craving for some sweet cold snacks. Also, being with her for a good 8 months in the laboratory has allowed me to even recognize her footsteps without even turning back to know it's her. Maybe it's the way that we work so similarly, that we often communicate without talking at all. People at the laboratory often find it creepily quiet whenever we are doing our FYP project. We are so comfortable with the protocol and knowing the strength and flaws of our techniques that we split the work rather evenly between the two of us rather subconsciously.
She is also incredibly kind and tolerant towards my attitude and requests. Like how she allowed me to exploit her Iphone 6 for the whole of the DND evening because.. well its an Iphone. She never grumbled once even though I continually bugged her to help me snap a picture. While I sometimes would rant about me having to suck up her temper (i.e after she wakes up from her nap, when I open the research papers at work, when she is stressed over exams and sometimes are clueless about how the way she phrased her requests are offending), I have to admit that she has to tolerate a lot of my shit as well. (eg my extremely cold replies which totally do not mean anything, my mood swings and tendency to make a mountain out of a molehole). She has also given me a lot of freedom to voice my opinions while we are doing our work. Very often, I depend on her to check my essays because I have a ridiculously bad command of English (that even my own sister constantly despise and harp on).
For her, I am truly grateful, for accepting me and tolerating me for a good 3 years. Tiang, if you ever read this, do always remember that I sincerely believe that you are prepared for greater things in life and all you lack is faith in yourself. I have said this so many times but I still feel the need to remind you again. If you are just willing to trust yourself just a teeny bit more, you will be successful in every single thing that you devote yourself into. While you are working on building up your confidence and faith in yourself, do note that you will always have mine.
Kenneth, is prolly like the brother that I never had and also the only friend that I called (or rather he chose to be called as) my best friend within months. The first conversation that we had, he actually texted me to ask me about school work because "he had no other choices". So much for utilizing the resources provided to him eh. (Okay, I'm just kidding.) When intern started, he was still a little awkward with Tiang and I, since its the first time that we were actually properly introduced. Then came this period, which I call it his most vulnerable period. He asked me: "How did you get over your break-up, since you initiated it?" It was only during that period of time, when he would talk to me about his story with his then-on-and-off-girlfriend. At that time, I felt that this person in front of me must be insane for sharing such deep secrets with me. But being me, I always liked listening to these stories and provided my opinion on them because sometimes I would express what they felt in words, which cause them to feel relieved (and I enjoy doing that. Making people feel better because they don't bottle things up. Not because they don't want to, but because they don't know how to). While both of us hadn't known each other for very long, both of us could relate to each other very well, because we encountered the same problem with our (rather toxic) relationship back then. It wasn't that we didn't try, it wasn't that the other party was all wrong (and we do see flaws in ourselves as well that we feel equally guilty towards the other party), but it was just so toxic that we weren't happy being involved in the relationship. I talked to him and I still felt his sincerity, concern and love for his then-girlfriend, even though a break-up was initiated months ago. They got back together shortly after and I was elated. So elated that I requested to be the flower child on their wedding. However, good times don't last and all good things come to an end. While I know that neither of them (or even I ,as an outsider) wanted this to be true for them, it was unfortunately called for in the end.
While we have only been friends for a few months, I have seen him through his high-and-lows. His recovery period over the initial breakup, his happiness during the patch and then his transition period into a single's life after being attached for a good 3 years. Relationship aside, I have also seen him working hard for his FYP, and he would also rant to me about things that he felt frustrated about at school. To which I would also reply with my own frustrations. During the exams, I can also see that he was stressed over it and was disappointed that he didn't do well for his paper. Nonetheless, he still took initiative to comfort me and made sure that I was feeling better because I was feeling equally horrible after my paper as well.
He knows many of my pet peeves, my secrets and many of my stories. Sometimes, I think he know me better than I do myself. Because Weishi wasn't there to support me during my final year like how she could during the first two years (we swapped semesters), he came in and gave me the same support that I needed to pull through. Do not jump into any conclusions and yes, our relationship is PURELY platonic (he has a girlfriend now, who is also one of my best friend). I am even placed on a mission to find him a girlfriend (though i'm pretty sure i'm off the hook right now), and is responsible if he does not get married (how demanding. Shenling, he's your responsibility now). He has also gladly, and rather self-appointed himself being one of the person who must screen my future boyfriend (I swear that one of the reasons why I will stay single for life is because my friends are too protective of me) before I would be allowed to date.
For some particular reason, he always tell me that I have done a lot for him and he is so grateful for me being there for him (to which, I cannot comprehend why because I feel like all I did was just standing there and listening to him. I didn't even do much of initiating and taking care of him or what not). Maybe it's because he is the new age sensitive man, as named by our supervisor Lily. However, I do believe that I am equally, if not more, grateful for him because I know that he sincerely cares for me, as a friend. I also know that he is one best friend that I don't want to lose. We share the same frequency of lameness and while sometimes he speaks to me about certain issues and I would just burst his bubble with my whole practicality talk, we would just brush it off and forget about it. One biggest thing about him is that he knows when to avoid me when I am PMS-ing, which is really great because I always step on people's toes during that period.
If you are even reading this, I can tell you that you have blessed me with something more priceless than that collectible Sheldon that I got for you for Christmas-- A true friendship. (I'm just writing this because we just bickered over WA because I refused to tell him which BBT character I like so that he can get that for me as a gift. Oh god we are hilarious.). Indeed, the first impression I had of you is that "This Ah Beng can study" which evolved into "This Gu Niang best friend of mine, I cannot even" but I still do admire your sensitivity and tendency to treat every single of your friend with all your heart and soul. I re-quote: this ship isn't sinking anytime soon. Although, do try to comprehend my eccentric behaviour of "rejecting" and "pushing" you away if I successfully guessed what's going on in your romantic life (BECAUSE MY SIXTH SENSE TELLS ME. ADMIT THAT MY SIXTH SENSE IS POWERFUL), it is nothing but my own way of allowing my friend to pursue whatever that he may wish to and not be that annoying prick that causes an alert when you are apparently waiting for another's text. Last but not least, thank you for being my friends and congratulation on your graduation. I am as proud of you as a younger/older sister plus a mother would be.Press on, lil bro! (and I'm still conflicted on who to be at your wedding with my other bestfriend, am I supposed to be the huatong or the bridesmaid. Can anyone enlighten me?)
The last companionship that I had during my Year 3 journey was Kenneth's FYP partner--Gabriel. In my impression, he was that otaku who had long straight hair that basically covered his entire face. I didn't even manage to see his face until during one MBC lecture that he cut his hair and styled it upwards. He was the kind of person whose appearance would change so drastically because he had a hair cut or simply removed his glasses. There was once during intern that my supervisor asked me if we actually changed him for another student intern because he didn't wear his glasses anymore and had a change of hairstyle. It was so funny that Tiang and I couldn't stop laughing.
During intern, it was also the time when I realized that he was actually colour-blind, has very shaky hands and a man with his own well-constructed thoughts and beliefs that he hold strongly to. He had very interesting ways of looking at things and speaks very freely of his thoughts. Though I would admit that sometimes I do feel like shoving a plug down his throat so that he can stop talking when he gets on a topic that he has a completely (in my opinion) controversial stand (I'm sorry Gabriel). However, that does not mean that whatever that he said was rubbish or doesn't make sense at all. In fact, I am in awe of the way he looks at things and sometimes wonder how his brain functions for him to actually think of ways in that manner. For example, to me a potato is a potato and maybe to him, it can be something else. (Just an example, I have no idea how he sees potato). There are some issues that I do agree with him, to a maximum extent actually.
While I wasn't entirely close with him, it was still great having him as a companion throughout the Year 3 journey. Especially when I get to hear how he interacts with Kenneth in a totally gay-but-they-are-actually-not-gay manner. Then there were moments when he is totally hilarious. Like how I am always the one that catches him when he mumbles "that makes no difference to me, I can't tell the difference (between the colours)" I do feel bad every time I burst out into laughter when he say that or when he did not actually realize that Kenneth had dyed his hair red. Also, another time when he told me he mistook the marble design on his new Nike Roche as dirt and defect. Last but not least, definitely not forgetting how he is constantly troubled over his perfectly curled hair (which would have been a total blessing and envy, if he was born as a girl). However, there was one incident that I feel so guilty about, even until today. I actually flared up at him because he jokingly called me a smoker. He did not do it on purpose and he didn't know that I actually disliked smoking THAT much. Although he did apologized and we eventually brushed it off, I still feel guilty for flaring up at this poor boy who obviously didn't know what was going on.
From Kenneth's description and from what I see, I concluded that he is extremely intelligent and have such great determination that I cannot imagine any ordinary human being having that at all. I'm always watching him walk into class completely zombified because he stayed up late again to complete his work or to study. However, it would appear to me that sometimes he worry too much about him not performing as well for his work. This, I cannot comprehend. While I have words for the others, of course I would have some for him. You, Gabriel Ong Lian Xin (did I get that right), is a smart and capable young man who do not have to worry of your work being "not good enough". While I do understand that your colour-blindness condition may hinder you in the path of your future endeavors in one way or another (though I sincerely hope not), I have great hopes and faith in you for excelling in whatever that you choose to pursue because you definitely have the ability to do so. Thank you so much for being a friend and cheers for your graduation.
6. OMF family
(15th April 2015)
19 days together in a place that is so far from home. Being one who have never been away from home so far and for so long, the fear was definitely real. On top of it, I didn't know anyone on the trip (that well). Many people asked me if I ever regretted coming into a poly (my mom being no.1). Many times, I wondered why did I end up getting a tougher Year 3 because I chose intern first. However, all of these questions came back with negative answers. No. I do not regret. No, it was worth the toughness. Because I met this much of amazing people, who I proudly (and rather quietly) call them my family.
My OMF family consist of a group of diverse people. BUT they all share a common trait, these kids are DAMN SMART. I do not mean regurgitation-smart. They are smart-smart. The way that their brains think, I think I would have never reached that kind of level. I was very fearful when I first went for the briefing and pre-trip outings. Besides, knowing that the two mentors are very kind and nice people, I practically imagined myself getting ostracized from the group because I'm just... not smart enough. Thankfully, these group of people never did felt that way (well, maybe they did when I knock myself into that metal barricade after being around the school for 2 weeks and has been walking pass that barricade for umpteen times). Instead, I find myself getting rather attached to this group of people and I feel happy and comfortable being around them.
The kind of bonds that were forged on this trip, was very strong. Perhaps it was because of the structure of our work -- we had individual assignments to submit. While it could have led us towards a whole different direction, we didn't. With our individual assignments, we made it through together. We stayed up all night(s) together, we made fun of each other in our complete zombie state, we had the "hospital" and "kopitiam" on our last day of assignments. We spent times at the lounge trying to finish up our work, trying so hard to actually squeeze another word into our 1500 essays to reach the word count, or trying to summarize the word into the word count. The best part of everything was that we never saw each other as competitors, despite it being a graded module. I can still remember that on our second day there, and we were going back to our hostel from our day trip, I sat besides Annetta on the bus. We were all pretty frightened by the workload and everything after talking to Mr Gab about it. But what Annetta said next, I always remembered.
"This sounds like it is very scary. But if all of us pull it through together as a group, it will not be that tough after all" (Along this line. You guys know my memory is only slightly better than a goldfish.)
And that was how we pulled through. As a group. For the first time, I found a place within a group of scholars and smart people. For the first time, I do not think that I will get despised upon because I do not speak intelligently and can only giggle to cover up my lack of ability to speak up. Even though I cried during my first discussion session, I think the unity of the team gave me courage to speak up and be more confident the second time, because they didn't judged me (that badly). I can still remember how Athan (my "twin" older brother as we realised how we were both born on the same day!) assured me how I'm not "not smart" as I walked back to the dorm from my shocked state of the first discussion.
The way we interacted on the trip extended all the way till today, which is something I find really precious. Food trails, christmas gatherings and even grad night staycation. Occasionally, we have impromtu dinner and lunch too! We didn't let the end of the trip end our friendship, and I wish that we never will. Thank you OMF friends, for teaching me so much on the trip. I've learnt so much from each and every one of you. Not just academically, but on a more personal level. You guys are true gems and will definitely achieve much much more in the future. As for Mr Gab and Ms Suri, I cannot express how much gratitude I have for the two of you. Thank you for being a mentor and a friend. Thank you all so much.
I am so proud of every single one of you.
7. Dancemates
(27th April)
One of the reasons why I liked dancing was because it opened doors for me to meet new people and sometimes, precious ones that I want to keep for life. There was the Awesome 4 (the next batch of great people you will read about) in Secondary School, and then there was the few precious gems that I found in NPDS. As much as I am not as close to them as always, since dance practice is only every Tuesdays and Thursdays, I can always count on them for a great time and laughter. Honestly speaking, I didn't really get closer to them until the final days of my poly life -- when we had to practice for a CNY performance. For Eli and Gigi, I knew them better only after I have unofficially graduated from school and gone off to work in the same company in them. It's ironic how life works. Eli and I have become such good friends because we think about things in the same way. It's funny how sometimes she say things about an issue and I go like 'omg yes. I finally found someone who thinks the same way!"
Jolene is my dance partner, Gigi and Jermine is from the same batch, while Eli and Hilary are my shifus (they are the LEGENDARY girl-girl couple. No one, AND I MEAN NO ONE, can beat that legacy). Like I mentioned, I may not be as close to them, but then everytime I see them, I feel calm.C Sometimes we talk so much that I don't even feel like moving my butt up to the studio to start laughing. And when I am down, dejected and demoralised, they were always there to cheer me on and ensured that I carried on my journey. For that, I thank you all for making hell a little more tolerable and also for tolerating me and recognising me as one of the "normal" ones (thank goodness).
Okay, I think that among all, the person who I spent the most time with during dance is definitely my partner. A petite little lady, who is the prom queen AND an all-time favorites among lover boys around school (sorry guys, she's taken by Kenneth). She's so petite that it makes me feel like a giant all the time. Once, one of our mutual friends saw me without her beside and went "Hey chewlin, why do you look so tiny today?" While we come from different cliques in class, we would still joke around and fool around in class and lab sessions (Seriously?! You Year 1 ah?), and then in dance. In dance, we were known as the "chill" couple, because we always seemed so nonchalant about everything. However, the synchronous in our dance moves were ridiculous. We would make the same mistake and then it would look as if it is right.
Besides the constant support and tolerance that she had for me during dance (like how I would totally embarrass her by doing stupid things and how she would trust me in leading her into her turns and ensuring she doesn't fall), I think the greatest thing that she has ever done for me was to stand by my side when I was pulling through a toxic relationship (due to incompatibility). She watched me fall in love and fell out of it. She watched me evolved from bliss to torment to liberation. To be honest, I think she is the only one who can truly understand my relationship woes, so much so that I don't even need to explicitly spell out every single emotions that I have for her to know. Sometimes, she is the first person I go to when I have crisis (including shoes and clothing crisis). And then she would just look at me or just talk to me, pointing out things that I am missing and highlighting how I shouldn't allow things to haunt me longer than they should. While we only talk more on Tuesdays and Thursdays when there is dance, which gradually got lesser over the years due to overloading of school work, there was never a time that I treated her less than a friend that I wanted to keep for life. She's one beautiful young lady and I hope he treats you right, and may everything fall in place for you from now on. I got your back, partner, if you ever need me.
8. Awesome 4
I am one who keep very little friends, especially in Secondary School. In poly, I was all alone and I ventured out of my comfort zone, to which I got the greatest returns of my life for meeting the amazing people who inspire me so much each day. However, while many other secondary school friends have drifted apart, the 4 of us remained close-knitted, and it has passed the 7 year mark this year. I think the clique name speaks for itself, they are awesome, and they make me awesome.
They have seen me completely being a potato (still am but a potato with gummy teeth back then), they have seen me rounder, they have seen me silly, they have seen every part of me. And yet they stood by me all these while, for so many years. While we may have our own different routes and paths, whenever we meet, we still have endless things to say and nonsense to make. Most importantly, you know that they have got your back. I don't think I need to write paragraphs after paragraphs to let them know how much they mean to me. But the thought of how if anything happens to me and the first person (people) i look for is them, is evidence on its own, on how much they mean to me. These girls keep me sane, they keep me real. They keep me true and not allow me to fall into the pit of succumbing to the societal norm and losing myself in the midst of it.
"Psychologists say that friendships that last longer than 7 years last forever"
Since I was a kid, I never had much luck in entering a class/group that had guys. Personally, I do find that classes with a good mix of guys have lesser politics and tend to bond better since there's lesser cliques. In primary school, I was always in the class with more girls. Same goes for secondary school. This gave me a hell lot of headaches because drama were everywhere (until I learnt to conceal myself within my own imaginary bubble). In Year 1, there were only 2 guys. In Year 2, I think there were only 4-5. However, the cliques have already formed and nothing changed much. Only when tiang and I had our intern, did I finally meet the other guys from the other class. Little did I know, that the four of us would become good friends and I would be so proud of them today.
(Theresa) Tiang was my partner since the very first practical and we have been in the same group ever since. We have been partners for every project (unless circumstances changes it), we have been lab partners since Year 1 and it is always me sitting next to her when we have our common test, should the arrangement go by class numbering. Our personality are very much the same. Although I am much more outspoken than her (thanks to my brain for covering up awkwardness by spilling beans about my 20 years worth of being a total klutz). I have always had (and I still do) a great admiration for her perseverance, determination and hard-working attitude. While I'm still day-dreaming about my life and wasting my time away, she is always well-revised and prepared for lessons. While she totally do not believe it, she is incredibly smart. Many times, I feel stupid and guilty next to her, because I am not putting in more effort that I should. Of course, our friendship has sometimes evolved into a sister-ship, where I always feel that there's a need to take care of her and nag her whenever she leave her wounds open (PLEASE. PLASTER.). Also, as how she describe it, we know each other well enough that sometimes we encounter telepathic moments. For example, I can go through the buffet counter and helping her with the assorted desserts without asking her whether she would like it or not. She would also be able to guess what fruits would I actually purchase from Munch when I'm craving for some sweet cold snacks. Also, being with her for a good 8 months in the laboratory has allowed me to even recognize her footsteps without even turning back to know it's her. Maybe it's the way that we work so similarly, that we often communicate without talking at all. People at the laboratory often find it creepily quiet whenever we are doing our FYP project. We are so comfortable with the protocol and knowing the strength and flaws of our techniques that we split the work rather evenly between the two of us rather subconsciously.
She is also incredibly kind and tolerant towards my attitude and requests. Like how she allowed me to exploit her Iphone 6 for the whole of the DND evening because.. well its an Iphone. She never grumbled once even though I continually bugged her to help me snap a picture. While I sometimes would rant about me having to suck up her temper (i.e after she wakes up from her nap, when I open the research papers at work, when she is stressed over exams and sometimes are clueless about how the way she phrased her requests are offending), I have to admit that she has to tolerate a lot of my shit as well. (eg my extremely cold replies which totally do not mean anything, my mood swings and tendency to make a mountain out of a molehole). She has also given me a lot of freedom to voice my opinions while we are doing our work. Very often, I depend on her to check my essays because I have a ridiculously bad command of English (that even my own sister constantly despise and harp on).
For her, I am truly grateful, for accepting me and tolerating me for a good 3 years. Tiang, if you ever read this, do always remember that I sincerely believe that you are prepared for greater things in life and all you lack is faith in yourself. I have said this so many times but I still feel the need to remind you again. If you are just willing to trust yourself just a teeny bit more, you will be successful in every single thing that you devote yourself into. While you are working on building up your confidence and faith in yourself, do note that you will always have mine.
Kenneth, is prolly like the brother that I never had and also the only friend that I called (or rather he chose to be called as) my best friend within months. The first conversation that we had, he actually texted me to ask me about school work because "he had no other choices". So much for utilizing the resources provided to him eh. (Okay, I'm just kidding.) When intern started, he was still a little awkward with Tiang and I, since its the first time that we were actually properly introduced. Then came this period, which I call it his most vulnerable period. He asked me: "How did you get over your break-up, since you initiated it?" It was only during that period of time, when he would talk to me about his story with his then-on-and-off-girlfriend. At that time, I felt that this person in front of me must be insane for sharing such deep secrets with me. But being me, I always liked listening to these stories and provided my opinion on them because sometimes I would express what they felt in words, which cause them to feel relieved (and I enjoy doing that. Making people feel better because they don't bottle things up. Not because they don't want to, but because they don't know how to). While both of us hadn't known each other for very long, both of us could relate to each other very well, because we encountered the same problem with our (rather toxic) relationship back then. It wasn't that we didn't try, it wasn't that the other party was all wrong (and we do see flaws in ourselves as well that we feel equally guilty towards the other party), but it was just so toxic that we weren't happy being involved in the relationship. I talked to him and I still felt his sincerity, concern and love for his then-girlfriend, even though a break-up was initiated months ago. They got back together shortly after and I was elated. So elated that I requested to be the flower child on their wedding. However, good times don't last and all good things come to an end. While I know that neither of them (or even I ,as an outsider) wanted this to be true for them, it was unfortunately called for in the end.
While we have only been friends for a few months, I have seen him through his high-and-lows. His recovery period over the initial breakup, his happiness during the patch and then his transition period into a single's life after being attached for a good 3 years. Relationship aside, I have also seen him working hard for his FYP, and he would also rant to me about things that he felt frustrated about at school. To which I would also reply with my own frustrations. During the exams, I can also see that he was stressed over it and was disappointed that he didn't do well for his paper. Nonetheless, he still took initiative to comfort me and made sure that I was feeling better because I was feeling equally horrible after my paper as well.
He knows many of my pet peeves, my secrets and many of my stories. Sometimes, I think he know me better than I do myself. Because Weishi wasn't there to support me during my final year like how she could during the first two years (we swapped semesters), he came in and gave me the same support that I needed to pull through. Do not jump into any conclusions and yes, our relationship is PURELY platonic (he has a girlfriend now, who is also one of my best friend). I am even placed on a mission to find him a girlfriend (though i'm pretty sure i'm off the hook right now), and is responsible if he does not get married (how demanding. Shenling, he's your responsibility now). He has also gladly, and rather self-appointed himself being one of the person who must screen my future boyfriend (I swear that one of the reasons why I will stay single for life is because my friends are too protective of me) before I would be allowed to date.
For some particular reason, he always tell me that I have done a lot for him and he is so grateful for me being there for him (to which, I cannot comprehend why because I feel like all I did was just standing there and listening to him. I didn't even do much of initiating and taking care of him or what not). Maybe it's because he is the new age sensitive man, as named by our supervisor Lily. However, I do believe that I am equally, if not more, grateful for him because I know that he sincerely cares for me, as a friend. I also know that he is one best friend that I don't want to lose. We share the same frequency of lameness and while sometimes he speaks to me about certain issues and I would just burst his bubble with my whole practicality talk, we would just brush it off and forget about it. One biggest thing about him is that he knows when to avoid me when I am PMS-ing, which is really great because I always step on people's toes during that period.
If you are even reading this, I can tell you that you have blessed me with something more priceless than that collectible Sheldon that I got for you for Christmas-- A true friendship. (I'm just writing this because we just bickered over WA because I refused to tell him which BBT character I like so that he can get that for me as a gift. Oh god we are hilarious.). Indeed, the first impression I had of you is that "This Ah Beng can study" which evolved into "This Gu Niang best friend of mine, I cannot even" but I still do admire your sensitivity and tendency to treat every single of your friend with all your heart and soul. I re-quote: this ship isn't sinking anytime soon. Although, do try to comprehend my eccentric behaviour of "rejecting" and "pushing" you away if I successfully guessed what's going on in your romantic life (BECAUSE MY SIXTH SENSE TELLS ME. ADMIT THAT MY SIXTH SENSE IS POWERFUL), it is nothing but my own way of allowing my friend to pursue whatever that he may wish to and not be that annoying prick that causes an alert when you are apparently waiting for another's text. Last but not least, thank you for being my friends and congratulation on your graduation. I am as proud of you as a younger/older sister plus a mother would be.Press on, lil bro! (and I'm still conflicted on who to be at your wedding with my other bestfriend, am I supposed to be the huatong or the bridesmaid. Can anyone enlighten me?)
The last companionship that I had during my Year 3 journey was Kenneth's FYP partner--Gabriel. In my impression, he was that otaku who had long straight hair that basically covered his entire face. I didn't even manage to see his face until during one MBC lecture that he cut his hair and styled it upwards. He was the kind of person whose appearance would change so drastically because he had a hair cut or simply removed his glasses. There was once during intern that my supervisor asked me if we actually changed him for another student intern because he didn't wear his glasses anymore and had a change of hairstyle. It was so funny that Tiang and I couldn't stop laughing.
During intern, it was also the time when I realized that he was actually colour-blind, has very shaky hands and a man with his own well-constructed thoughts and beliefs that he hold strongly to. He had very interesting ways of looking at things and speaks very freely of his thoughts. Though I would admit that sometimes I do feel like shoving a plug down his throat so that he can stop talking when he gets on a topic that he has a completely (in my opinion) controversial stand (I'm sorry Gabriel). However, that does not mean that whatever that he said was rubbish or doesn't make sense at all. In fact, I am in awe of the way he looks at things and sometimes wonder how his brain functions for him to actually think of ways in that manner. For example, to me a potato is a potato and maybe to him, it can be something else. (Just an example, I have no idea how he sees potato). There are some issues that I do agree with him, to a maximum extent actually.
While I wasn't entirely close with him, it was still great having him as a companion throughout the Year 3 journey. Especially when I get to hear how he interacts with Kenneth in a totally gay-but-they-are-actually-not-gay manner. Then there were moments when he is totally hilarious. Like how I am always the one that catches him when he mumbles "that makes no difference to me, I can't tell the difference (between the colours)" I do feel bad every time I burst out into laughter when he say that or when he did not actually realize that Kenneth had dyed his hair red. Also, another time when he told me he mistook the marble design on his new Nike Roche as dirt and defect. Last but not least, definitely not forgetting how he is constantly troubled over his perfectly curled hair (which would have been a total blessing and envy, if he was born as a girl). However, there was one incident that I feel so guilty about, even until today. I actually flared up at him because he jokingly called me a smoker. He did not do it on purpose and he didn't know that I actually disliked smoking THAT much. Although he did apologized and we eventually brushed it off, I still feel guilty for flaring up at this poor boy who obviously didn't know what was going on.
From Kenneth's description and from what I see, I concluded that he is extremely intelligent and have such great determination that I cannot imagine any ordinary human being having that at all. I'm always watching him walk into class completely zombified because he stayed up late again to complete his work or to study. However, it would appear to me that sometimes he worry too much about him not performing as well for his work. This, I cannot comprehend. While I have words for the others, of course I would have some for him. You, Gabriel Ong Lian Xin (did I get that right), is a smart and capable young man who do not have to worry of your work being "not good enough". While I do understand that your colour-blindness condition may hinder you in the path of your future endeavors in one way or another (though I sincerely hope not), I have great hopes and faith in you for excelling in whatever that you choose to pursue because you definitely have the ability to do so. Thank you so much for being a friend and cheers for your graduation.
6. OMF family
(15th April 2015)
19 days together in a place that is so far from home. Being one who have never been away from home so far and for so long, the fear was definitely real. On top of it, I didn't know anyone on the trip (that well). Many people asked me if I ever regretted coming into a poly (my mom being no.1). Many times, I wondered why did I end up getting a tougher Year 3 because I chose intern first. However, all of these questions came back with negative answers. No. I do not regret. No, it was worth the toughness. Because I met this much of amazing people, who I proudly (and rather quietly) call them my family.
My OMF family consist of a group of diverse people. BUT they all share a common trait, these kids are DAMN SMART. I do not mean regurgitation-smart. They are smart-smart. The way that their brains think, I think I would have never reached that kind of level. I was very fearful when I first went for the briefing and pre-trip outings. Besides, knowing that the two mentors are very kind and nice people, I practically imagined myself getting ostracized from the group because I'm just... not smart enough. Thankfully, these group of people never did felt that way (well, maybe they did when I knock myself into that metal barricade after being around the school for 2 weeks and has been walking pass that barricade for umpteen times). Instead, I find myself getting rather attached to this group of people and I feel happy and comfortable being around them.
The kind of bonds that were forged on this trip, was very strong. Perhaps it was because of the structure of our work -- we had individual assignments to submit. While it could have led us towards a whole different direction, we didn't. With our individual assignments, we made it through together. We stayed up all night(s) together, we made fun of each other in our complete zombie state, we had the "hospital" and "kopitiam" on our last day of assignments. We spent times at the lounge trying to finish up our work, trying so hard to actually squeeze another word into our 1500 essays to reach the word count, or trying to summarize the word into the word count. The best part of everything was that we never saw each other as competitors, despite it being a graded module. I can still remember that on our second day there, and we were going back to our hostel from our day trip, I sat besides Annetta on the bus. We were all pretty frightened by the workload and everything after talking to Mr Gab about it. But what Annetta said next, I always remembered.
"This sounds like it is very scary. But if all of us pull it through together as a group, it will not be that tough after all" (Along this line. You guys know my memory is only slightly better than a goldfish.)
And that was how we pulled through. As a group. For the first time, I found a place within a group of scholars and smart people. For the first time, I do not think that I will get despised upon because I do not speak intelligently and can only giggle to cover up my lack of ability to speak up. Even though I cried during my first discussion session, I think the unity of the team gave me courage to speak up and be more confident the second time, because they didn't judged me (that badly). I can still remember how Athan (my "twin" older brother as we realised how we were both born on the same day!) assured me how I'm not "not smart" as I walked back to the dorm from my shocked state of the first discussion.
The way we interacted on the trip extended all the way till today, which is something I find really precious. Food trails, christmas gatherings and even grad night staycation. Occasionally, we have impromtu dinner and lunch too! We didn't let the end of the trip end our friendship, and I wish that we never will. Thank you OMF friends, for teaching me so much on the trip. I've learnt so much from each and every one of you. Not just academically, but on a more personal level. You guys are true gems and will definitely achieve much much more in the future. As for Mr Gab and Ms Suri, I cannot express how much gratitude I have for the two of you. Thank you for being a mentor and a friend. Thank you all so much.
I am so proud of every single one of you.
7. Dancemates
(27th April)
One of the reasons why I liked dancing was because it opened doors for me to meet new people and sometimes, precious ones that I want to keep for life. There was the Awesome 4 (the next batch of great people you will read about) in Secondary School, and then there was the few precious gems that I found in NPDS. As much as I am not as close to them as always, since dance practice is only every Tuesdays and Thursdays, I can always count on them for a great time and laughter. Honestly speaking, I didn't really get closer to them until the final days of my poly life -- when we had to practice for a CNY performance. For Eli and Gigi, I knew them better only after I have unofficially graduated from school and gone off to work in the same company in them. It's ironic how life works. Eli and I have become such good friends because we think about things in the same way. It's funny how sometimes she say things about an issue and I go like 'omg yes. I finally found someone who thinks the same way!"
Jolene is my dance partner, Gigi and Jermine is from the same batch, while Eli and Hilary are my shifus (they are the LEGENDARY girl-girl couple. No one, AND I MEAN NO ONE, can beat that legacy). Like I mentioned, I may not be as close to them, but then everytime I see them, I feel calm.C Sometimes we talk so much that I don't even feel like moving my butt up to the studio to start laughing. And when I am down, dejected and demoralised, they were always there to cheer me on and ensured that I carried on my journey. For that, I thank you all for making hell a little more tolerable and also for tolerating me and recognising me as one of the "normal" ones (thank goodness).
Okay, I think that among all, the person who I spent the most time with during dance is definitely my partner. A petite little lady, who is the prom queen AND an all-time favorites among lover boys around school (sorry guys, she's taken by Kenneth). She's so petite that it makes me feel like a giant all the time. Once, one of our mutual friends saw me without her beside and went "Hey chewlin, why do you look so tiny today?" While we come from different cliques in class, we would still joke around and fool around in class and lab sessions (Seriously?! You Year 1 ah?), and then in dance. In dance, we were known as the "chill" couple, because we always seemed so nonchalant about everything. However, the synchronous in our dance moves were ridiculous. We would make the same mistake and then it would look as if it is right.
Besides the constant support and tolerance that she had for me during dance (like how I would totally embarrass her by doing stupid things and how she would trust me in leading her into her turns and ensuring she doesn't fall), I think the greatest thing that she has ever done for me was to stand by my side when I was pulling through a toxic relationship (due to incompatibility). She watched me fall in love and fell out of it. She watched me evolved from bliss to torment to liberation. To be honest, I think she is the only one who can truly understand my relationship woes, so much so that I don't even need to explicitly spell out every single emotions that I have for her to know. Sometimes, she is the first person I go to when I have crisis (including shoes and clothing crisis). And then she would just look at me or just talk to me, pointing out things that I am missing and highlighting how I shouldn't allow things to haunt me longer than they should. While we only talk more on Tuesdays and Thursdays when there is dance, which gradually got lesser over the years due to overloading of school work, there was never a time that I treated her less than a friend that I wanted to keep for life. She's one beautiful young lady and I hope he treats you right, and may everything fall in place for you from now on. I got your back, partner, if you ever need me.
8. Awesome 4
I am one who keep very little friends, especially in Secondary School. In poly, I was all alone and I ventured out of my comfort zone, to which I got the greatest returns of my life for meeting the amazing people who inspire me so much each day. However, while many other secondary school friends have drifted apart, the 4 of us remained close-knitted, and it has passed the 7 year mark this year. I think the clique name speaks for itself, they are awesome, and they make me awesome.
They have seen me completely being a potato (still am but a potato with gummy teeth back then), they have seen me rounder, they have seen me silly, they have seen every part of me. And yet they stood by me all these while, for so many years. While we may have our own different routes and paths, whenever we meet, we still have endless things to say and nonsense to make. Most importantly, you know that they have got your back. I don't think I need to write paragraphs after paragraphs to let them know how much they mean to me. But the thought of how if anything happens to me and the first person (people) i look for is them, is evidence on its own, on how much they mean to me. These girls keep me sane, they keep me real. They keep me true and not allow me to fall into the pit of succumbing to the societal norm and losing myself in the midst of it.
"Psychologists say that friendships that last longer than 7 years last forever"
I'm skeptical on these kind of sayings, but for our friendship, I believe we can last forever.
21st May 2015
I know I missed out a lot of people but I don't think this list will ever stop, because I have received so much love and concerned from everyone around me. Eli, YEP kakis, my secondary school friends and all. I appreciate all of you. I do. -bow in appreciation-
Tomorrow is my graduation and I am here, writing my last paragraph to summarise my poly journey.
If anyone asked me, again, if I ever regretted going to a Polytechnic, my answer remains unchanged. No. I haven't regretted anything. In fact, I feel that its such a great journey with Ngee Ann, that I couldn't bear to even have the thought that I'm leaving this school, leaving the wonderful people behind and watching the others soar high in their respective directions. I find it harder to "graduate" from NP than from Deyi. Maybe its because, i encountered a lot of things in NP, and it was really an enriching and life-changing 3 years for me. From someone who never thought she could have more than 5 friends, to someone who hold so many close friends to her heart. From someone who constantly doubt her capabilities, to someone who can at least encourage herself to press on because her friends and mentors are always showering her with encouragement and faith.
Many people told me that I would not get into a Local University when I chose a Polytechnic. Many people told me that I cannot do well in a Science Course. Many people told me I won't make it. But today, I can proudly say:
I did it. I succeeded.
Graduating with a Diploma with Merit, offered a place in NUS FASS where I can be trained to be a qualified MSW. I wouldn't have made it so far without all of you people. Most importantly, I wouldn't have made it so far, without Ngee Ann.
Thank you everybody. Thank you Ngee Ann. I will miss you.
-I found a letter that I wrote to myself 2 years ago. Here's what I wrote:
1st July 2013 00:00
Hello Future Self! Congratulations on graduating! -throws confetti in the air- I'm really proud of you, me, whatever.But we made it! These 3 years, were really tough and I know that there were times you wanted to die, especially when you didn't get that A*STAR scholarship. Boy, how devastated I was (am). But it's okay! Because with or without scholarships, you know that your family and friends still love you, isn't it? I'm hoping that you have kicked the habit of throwing tantrums at your mom. Yes I know, you want to be a princess but mind you, be a kind-hearted one! And I am sure you are still persevering on your healthy lifestyle and getting nearer to your "Mirander Kerr" inspired / "Hyorin" inspired body! But then again, if you are not, it doesn't matter either. Because looks don't define you, understand?
I know you strive to be someone with beauty and brains. But since beauty is kinda predestined, let's see how much you have achieved on your studies. But considering that you have graduated, it must have been at least a pass. At this point that I am writing this, I honestly hope that it is at least able for you to get into a local university. But if you can't, don't be too hard on yourself. You tried your best. You conquered poly. Now you are moving into the next phrase of your life. So don't dwell on it. Smile, yes smile (I know you are frowning now!) and give yourself a pat on the back. You go, girl!
Now, promise me you won't forget who you are. Promise me that you will only get better. Two years ago, you were an introvert, you lost faith in romantic relationships. I'm not telling you that you can go out and let loose. But let yourself find love. Or rather, let love find you. I know your first relationship didn't turn out right but you shouldn't lose faith and hope. There is this one boy out there, who can accept you for who you are. Bring out the best in you, accept your flaws and make up for the things that you don't have. Though I truly believe that you are still single, if by 0.0001% chance that you are attached, cherish the person. But always remember to protect yourself. Don't let yourself get hurt or swallow your ego. Don't let him hurt your pride again and again, like I did. Don't keep silent. Just because you love him, doesn't mean he has the rights to tear you down. Understand? Good.
Okay, I sincerely wish that things are going well for you -- Dance, Studies and everything. I hope you will continue to do great. It doesn't matter if you don't have fame, popularity or is the Best Student ever. I want you to be happy. Because I want me to get happier, not this state of mess I am in right now. Be happy, alright? Pinky promise.
NTS: Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. Be happy and love yourself, because that's when people will love you.
xoxo,
秋
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