I accompanied my mom to meet my cousin, who is also our insurance consultant. My dad had some queries about insurance since there is MediShield Life coming up and he was worried that paying extra on top of that is going to be useless. So I accompanied my mom to talk to my cousin, though not exactly voluntarily but both my mom and I knew that she will not be able to convey the information to my dad properly without getting into an argument so having me there might help later on (yes, it helped. proven during our discussion just now). So during the discussion with my cousin, she said
"You have very loving parents, do you know that? They love you a lot."
I nodded my head in full agreement.
For many of my close friends, it is a well-known fact that I share a very close-knitted relationship with my family, especially my mom. I only got closer to my sister after she got married and my dad was frequently not around. Nonetheless, I cannot deny the love that I have been receiving all the time.
I've written a blogpost for my sister during her wedding day but I've never written one about my parents. So of course, today's topic is definitely going to be on them. "A Parent's Love", definitely.
From my conversations with my friends, I see that there are two types of parents, in general. The parent-parent and the friends-parent. Let me define it for you:
PARENT-PARENT:
The parent-parent feels very distant. They are the ones who provide you with everything that you can ask for, but the vibe of authority often turn you away from them. They lecture you on what is right and what is wrong. They make you do things the right way. They love you very very much. However, they often come across as not being too affectionate in the way that they act and being too strict make children push them away.
FRIEND-PARENT:
These parents are very "happening" and "hipz". They behave more like your friend and you feel very close to them. It's almost as if the whole bubble of authority just doesn't exist. You can talk to anything and everything in the world with them, you see them on social media platform and yet don't have the "oh shit. My mom/dad is on Instagram/Facebook/Twitter. Time to deactivate my account."
I am very fortunate, like many are nowadays since parents are getting more into the "modern-thinking" kind of era (I guess?), my parent is a combination of both. While many of my friends know how hip my mom is and how cheeky my dad can be, it should also be a well-known fact that they lecture me too. BUT! They have a lot of trust in me and that is where all the "freedom" comes about. Many of the teenagers are very turned off by parent's authority. I find that that is what turns teenagers away from their parents. It's not exactly anyone's fault. If a teenager doesn't allow the parent to enter his/her world, the parent is going to feel tired from trying too hard. Likewise, if the parent pushes him/herself away from the child, thinking that only authority can make a child scared of them and make them "obedient", then the teenager is going to feel tired as well.
Regardless of what kind of parent they are, I know that my parents love me, every single bit of me and my bad temper. In the past, I compared my parents to my friends', complained about how my parents cannot provide me with this and that. I get very jealous when I see my friends getting expensive goods and yet all I get is a NO from my parent. It later evolved to the days when I no longer even bothered to ask, because I know that it definitely a NO from them.
As I grew older, I started to learn more about my parents, about the sacrifices that they make just to groom me into who I am today. Honestly speaking, if you ask me who is the most incredible people in the world, I would say that they are my parents. Just to clarify, I am not rich. Not at all. I have no idea where this misconception comes from but many of my friends thinks that my family is well-to-do. I come from a very average household. But thankfully for my mom, who is super good at savings, we made ends meet and are still able to indulge occasionally. Overseas trips are not exactly possible but having good food once in a while is not a problem.
Reaching my twenties and being forced to think about my future and university is a major turn for me. It is the time that I have received more stress than ever to consider things. Especially on money issues. I have come to realize how much money my parents have invested on me since they knew my existence. However, have they complained? No. Not once. Whatever that I wanted, it was fulfilled. Although I do not have all the Chanel and Gucci in the world, but I have what I find as the most precious thing in the world -- Education.
Education don't come cheap, especially in Polytechnic and University and especially so since only my mom has CPF. Considering how a JC would be much more affordable for my parents, they never really did force me into one. When I said I wanted to enter a poly, they said "Go ahead". When I worried about not being able to enter a Local University (since that was the "fear" that every diploma holder would have), my mom just said "Then go SIM. It is costly, but don't worry. Mommy and daddy will find that money somehow. If you want to study and get a degree, go ahead." On days that I spend nights after nights trying to study for an exam, she would say the same thing so that I would be less pressured into having to score tremendously well to get into a Local University.
For that kind of assurance and unconditional love, I am very very grateful for them.
Many of my friends would have received the cold treatment from me if they spoke ill of their parents, especially about not giving them money to do certain things or restricting how they choose to use their money (I sincerely apologize). Because I honestly believe, that a Parent's Love cannot be taken for granted.
Many times, we take our parents for granted. Every time we need money, every time we get into trouble. We turn to them. It is common that we get upset when we hear "No." from our parents because many would feel that "Hey, you are my parents. You are responsible for me." But are they really responsible for us? Do giving birth to us comes with these terms and conditions? Yes, but maybe just for the first 20 years of your life. Because we still do not have the ability to actually work and feed ourselves. (Even after the 20 years, many of us are still dependent on our parents for a lot of things.) However, don't forget that as we are growing up, they are growing older. Take me for example -- Truth to be told, with a diploma, I can go out and work immediately. However, did my parents throw me alone to fend for myself? No. But they can. They definitely can. I have seen cases of that happening. Circumstances do not allow them to continue studying. So what can they do? Go out and work their ass off to support their aging parents.
I know my parents love me a lot and this will never change. But I know one thing:
"They have provided me for 20 years, how much longer do I want them to?"
Many people asked me why didn't I pursue Medicine and be a doctor. I have a lot of reasons for that. Because my personality doesn't fit. Because I don't think I can handle the stress. Because I don't think I can even get in. Because. Because. Because. I can come up with a hell load of reasons but I know that I worked so hard because I wanted to get into Medicine. Or to at least have a shot at it. Honestly speaking, just one reason is enough for me to stop me in my tracks.
"I don't want to be a good doctor, if all that makes me is a bad daughter who continues to put pressure on my parents. Both emotionally and financially"
Medicine course do not come in cheap. My parents have told me that it is basically impossible for me to study that. They just simply do not have the money to afford it. Then you may ask, then why not continue Science? Because:
1) I don't want to be Science teacher, I want to be a lecturer.
2) I want to be a researcher, not an assistant.
Both requires me to at least get a Masters. But my parents do not have that money to support me all the way there. Yes, I can work but then what if other plans come in? Marriage, Children. Not even looking so far, then who is going to take care of my parents, now that my sister's burden is doubled with twins coming along the way? Like what I said when I went for my scholarship interview and they asked me "why the huge change?" I told them the truth.
"Being a researcher was a career where I can pursue my passion and what I honestly like. Being a lecturer after that is because I want to be as inspiring as some of my lecturers were, to bring life to classes and pass down knowledge to the younger generations. Being a doctor was my initial dream because I wanted to be able to save lives, to help people, to be someone useful in the world, or at the very least earn big bucks. However, I know that it is not going to be easy. What I know is that I need a degree that can get me a job that pays enough for me to support my parents and take some load off my sister. My parents are already 55 years old. My sister is carrying twins. I cannot be a doctor nor a researcher as it takes too much time and money. Combining my aspirations and the key matters that I see important in my life, being a social worker is another alternative that allows me to continue helping people and take care of my family at the fastest possible time."
My parents are getting older, but no matter how old they are, they still see my sister and I as babies of the family. They still want to provide us with good things, they still consider us above anything. As a daughter, I cannot be selfish and ignorant to this. Life was very kind, they gave me this pair of great parents. From my mom, I came to know that my dad was even thinking about giving our house up for mortgage to get loans from the bank to send me to university after hearing that my fees are gonna cost tens of thousand over the 4 years span (he doesn't know about my scholarship plans because of personal reasons, I didn't notify him about things like this). It is very silly of him to do so, but my heart aches at the thought of it. All the more that I now think that it is the right choice for me to make that leap.
At night, after talking to my dad about the insurance, I told him:
"Daddy, don't worry about my school fees okay. I will go out and find money."
At that point of time, I felt like I have just made the first step of beginning to think for my parents. For the first time, I felt proud of myself. Not those kind of proud that I did well in school and my parents can brag (which I have never allowed them to do so). Its the kind of proud, where I deeply know that I finally am starting to grow up, and I am starting to have the ability to tell my parents "Don't worry too much about me. I will find my way out.".
I love you, daddy & mommy. thank you so much.
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