Girlfriend Material

hasn't been blogging for a long time. and felt the want to do so. letting myself a break from that torturous research paper. my eyes are literally x.x when I read it. can't imagine how to survive this sem PLUS everything else... okay. so this is just a random update.

so I went out with my secondary school friends ytd. and then there was this one sentence that kept circling my mind. 

'Chewlin ah. Why you suddenly become so polite and gentle ah?' 

it's actually nothing much, but I find it kinda weird. Because for as much as I know, my image in front of my secondary school friends, especially weichao and benson and gang, I'm the rowdy, noisy and Tom-boyish one. Since when was I ever so polite and gentle? perhaps I was tired? perhaps I was falling sick. or rather, I just wanted to be a girl after all. 

I'll admit it. I don't know how to be a girl. I'm not gentle. I'm not meticulous. I'm not one bit sweet. (and hence I'm a horrible girlfriend material, guys don't be fooled.) but I'm trying very hard to observe how girls be.. girls. I don't know how Sinclair and Xinfang does it. But they are girls. And then I look at Jolene, Amanda, Janice, and everyone else in school. And then I look at myself, and I'm like: 

'Woah. Im so damn not feminine.' 

Other than the fact that I wear skirts and fancy dresses (not the Lacey ones. skaterskirts and denim is my love), okay well, maybe cos they are easy to match, but yea, I'm not girly at all. (exclude the fact that I scream like nobody's business when I see a bloody cockroach).

okay. the thing is, I have certain girly sides, like I hate insects, I don't really fancy sports, I don't watch soccer, I don't play computer games (kudos to those who do. I can't even understand how to play the games). But then, like what I said, I'm not feminine. Not sweet. Not pretty. Not skinny. 

But I don't really care about being pretty and skinny yet. Because I ultimately believe that one... I can change them. (not by plastic surgery of course) But the inner girl in me... I kinda need to find it eh. like emergency. did some SRY get translocated onto my X chromosome or did i eat something wrong? I find it a little bit annoying of myself. Like what someone said to me once 'things that a girl should do naturally, you aren't even doing'. am I really that bad? it really just circles in my head. 

and then I see all the cute model couples around me. and I realise that the girls are always very sweet. 

and then it hit me when i was talking to bestie ytd. perhaps I'm not girlfriend material at all. 

And that's prolly the reason why Im gonna keep myself single till I find my inner lady. 

To all those who have said that ill be a good girlfriend material, don't be fooled by my appearance. I'm not. No fights over silly issues, no jealousy, no nothing. maybe one day someone will make me feel like being one. but then again, how do I become someone who I deem as annoying? 

Bestie said 'it will all come to you naturally when it's the right time.' 

Naturally. 

Right time. 

Right. Meanwhile, I'm gonna just date my mom and my girls, for company for food. Period.

and these best friends of mine dare to bet that im gonna be the first one to get married. 

okay la. what crap am I saying. meh. off to find chocolate to eat. Goodbye.