well anyway, received an email from dr CL and she revealed the A*STAR scholarship holders. okay la. i didnt get it. wasnt surprised by it, but i was just a teeny bit disappointed because i really put in alot of effort trying to impress the people with my application and because i honestly wanted to go to A*STAR for my internship. But then its not gonna happen because i dont have the scholarship. idk if its right for me to be feeling this way. because i know that i shouldnt. and i cant help but dwell on it.
I dont have a great affinity with scholarships. didnt get NP scholarship last year, didnt get A*STAR scholarship this year. and i doubt i will get NP scholarship this year anyhow. i honestly wanted the scholarship. it wasnt just a "have then have, dont have then dont have" its a " i want" thing. but then i didnt get it. no point dwelling on it. just that im so afraid that this will carry on to the rest of my life. what if i never get awarded any scholarship that i ever applied because im not the science industry candidate choice? am i putting myself in an environment that didnt understand and didnt accept me?
woah. chill out. im getting way out of the point.
but anyway, imma get rid of this disappointment ASAP. i shouldnt be dwelling on it like this because it does no good. i didnt get it, its finalised. im not good enough. so lets pray that in time to come, i will get better.
but anyway, CONGRATULATION KARINE ON GETTING THE SCHOLARSHIP. okay i know that she wont read this but im still so happy for her. yes, i am disappointed because i didnt get it, but that is the problem with ME. i dont feel jealous, or anything and im sincerely happy that she got it because i know that she deserve it! perfect GPA and what a super nice person she is (:
so i shall recollect my feelings by blogging it all out, and get back to my life. because i believe that everything has its reason for happening. even if i didnt get it, it may be because i didnt deserve it, it may be life wanting me to work the hard way so that i dont take things for granted, or it may just be life being kind and not wanting me to be pressured by things like these because i will be obligated (tho im supposed to be) to score well for every semester and become more stressed. i choose to believe the latter 2 , because if thats what makes me feel better, then i shall think it that way. i dont want to keep thinking negatively and make myself so unhappy. im only on Earth for like 18 years only. i dont need to be so unhappy, especially when the unhappiness come from my mind having distorted concepts.
okay. back to work.
"its not right, but its okay. im gonna make it anyway." yes, i will make it. i will try my best to. Just watch me (:
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