I like to ask people, whats your first impression of me? honestly, i dont expect anything nice. Dao, Ahlian, cold, super fierce. i tried putting up a facade. Coming to poly really forces me out of my comfort zone. and for some days, when i go home, i appreciate that an hour of alone after being around people for practically the whole day in school. not that im unhappy around people, i am happy around people. but bring around people kinda just sucks the energy out of me. call me weird for all you want people. im used to it.
Ive always said i hated clubbing, not that ive tried. But i know how the music and how crowded it is in there. Sometimes, i think i have like human-phobia. I cant be around too many people and sometimes avoid going out so that i dont have to face anyone. I can go on a day without talking if no one ever asked me anything or strike a convo with me. I tell people i wont go clubbing because i hated the music, or that such music gives me headache. one part of me knows thats true. but another part of me knows that it actually is because i dont like mingling around people. parties, gatherings, social events, all the same. sometimes, i wished i was an extrovert. but like i said, the extrovert died.
even the minimal effort for me to try to be an extrovert is hard for me. I've built my own comfort zones among people, and frankly speaking, they are all girls. im not a sexist. i like having guy best friends too. guy friends = less drama. thats how i feel luh. unless suddenly out of no where, you find yourself trapped in a love problem. but even so, because they were your best friends, as long as things end well, they are still willing to be that pillar of strength (as a friend) for you. Its like in secondary school, Xinfang, Catherine, Sinclair, Charmaine. They were my comfort zones. they knew me. And honestly speaking, idk if they knew but they knew how to deal with the introvert me. They gave me quiet and alone moments when i needed one. ill always remember charmaine telling me that 'its okay. you are tired. ill stop talking now. you rest.' in a totally understanding manner. We spent a day out, and she realised i was quiet and she let me have my own quiet moments. i honestly appreciated it. The rest of the girls, they were my comfort zone.
Being in a poly and school different from them made me realise how much i was forced out of my comfort zone. as such, i kept only a few close friends despite trying to be friendly with everyone. But at the end of the day, introvert side still takes over. i just hope that the people i meet from now on, knows how to treat me correctly. okay i sound like a freak :(
Anyway, being an introvert, i dont like crowds, require more time alone and hate being pushed out of my comfort zone. tbh, i tried coming out of it. I try to put on a smile, i try to goof around making jokes, trying to make people laugh. But the truth is, not all the time im happy.
i know i make it sound like being an introvert is a bad thing, but the thing is, we aren't weird. Normal friendly extroverts dont understand me. and i thank my sissy for making me go for science, where i can stay in my lab. if i went to business, i will go crazy, literally. Introverts dont always reject people. we do appear for certain events we deem as important and friends we meet, we try to be friendly and nice. It just differs on the degree of how much i trust a person. Like going to NATAS, i made friends with everyone. Yenting, Kaiyun, Cass, Win, Ts, the securities, the organizers. But when i go to breaks, i go alone. When i eat, i eat alone. And when i had breaks, unless i have people with me, i rest. to recharge myself so that i could go back out there and be the friendly me again.
okay. now i really make myself a freak. note that not all introverts are like me. But i know we share one common thing, we hate it when people see us as weird. Its not that we are weird. We just dont like things like parties and club that much as you do. Theres nothing wrong with it right? And i honestly hope that from today onwards, everyone can treat one another with due respect. Regardless of he/she being an introvert, extrovert, regardless of race, gender and nationality. Sounds so SS right? but honestly, put away all the differences that we SEE, what we feel is all the same. Thats the reason why we never discriminate babies. They have the ability to show us that eveyone is equal and same. Because they are the kindest and purest at heart. When they laugh, we laugh.
okay. im crapping my way through. no idea what the hell im talking. But oh well. Thanks for reading. haha. and dang, i havent been doing my feb challenge. NEED TO BE LESS LAZY. thats it folks. -inserts looney tunes theme song and bugsbunny voice-
Sometimes, quiet is needed. Learn to appreciate what quiet can be for people. Learn how two people can sit on different sides of the room, silently engaging in their own activities and still achieve a profound sense of closeness.
-Thought Catalog
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