not good enough?

Its 647am in the morning. Im writing. But im not posting. Not yet. Because I know howt.uch my brain wants me to write. And this 10min isnt gonna be enough. Dont ask me how I know. I just do.

Have you ever felt like jusnough up your game, or just hit the road home because you know what ever you do is never enough. Like you will never be good enough. People in the world, subconsciously thinking that they will never ever be good enough for this, nor that. Take a little moment,  recall all the times when you just felt that you were never going to be good enough.

Was it a time, when you felt that you weren't good enough in class. Like no matter what you did, theres always someone else better.

Was it a time, when you felt that you weren't good enough for that guy or girl in your neighbouring class. Who you felt was totally out of your league. Because deep down, you always told yourself 'if I were him/her, I wont choose me either.'

Or was it a time, when you were scrolling through your instagram feed and sees Naomi Neo or EuniceAnnabel or Qiuqiu or RachelWong or just any of those really pretty model and bloggers, and then you look at yourself. And then you tell yourself 'omg how can people look so pretty. I look like a potato. Okay im gonna work out and do my facial routine and....' and then moments later you just dismissed that 'promise' because you felt that you will never be as pretty as them. 

You just didnt felt good about yourself. In one way or another. Or maybe more than just one way. Im pretty sure that everyone will feel that they arent good enough. maybe not forever. But once or twice in their life. That feeling comes. Unless you are a complete innocent person (?) that totally believe that humans are meant to make mistakes or you just jolly well dont care if you are good enough for the world or not. YOLO. So who cares,  right?

I am one insecure kid. So I know how it feels like to be one of those kids who wanted to be good enough. Or rather, I wanted to be 'that' person. Every now and then, that feeling comes. And then it goes. And then it comes back again on a entirely different issue. But collectively,  its all about not being good enough. And that's what ive been telling myself. Im not good enough.

But I dont know if deep down, I really thinks that im not good enough, or just not as good as the people I see around me. And there is always something that i can find fault with. 

I dont know if its human nature or the way im brought up that makes people feel that they are never good enough. Not inferior. Inferior is the moment when you feel that you arent as good, but the feeling that you will never be good like forever is kinda different. Its a little same. But inferiority can be overcome. like.. if you feel inferior of your face, then you go put make up and for a temporary moment you feel better. but feeling that you will NEVER be good enough, just means that you will be putting constant pressure on yourself, and even though you try to put in effort, it doesn't help to make you feel good at all. even for one moment. 

maybe that syndrome is known as perfectionist. I know im a classical example of one. It is like, i will want to get things done perfectly. Ever since i got my first D-list, i never stopped pushing myself for one or to even get more than that. Because i know that there is still people ahead of me. Because there is still people in my course who are topping the course, topping modules. So even if people tell me that being in the D-list is already very good, i don't feel that its good enough. and every semester, i know that i will never be good enough. and every semester, im proven right. 

but then, the feeling of never being good enough is really bad if its used in a wrong way. Because you feel that you are never good enough, because you feel that it is all going in drain even when you try your best, and yet it is still never good enough. To the extent that you stop trying. You give up. 

but note that, thats when you REALLY will NEVER be good enough.

or in another way,

maybe the feeling of never being good enough, is a good thing on its own. Because the feeling of never being good enough may be able to channel your inner motivation to try to prove yourself wrong that you CAN BE good enough. 

I dont know.it all depends on you. Fight on, or go home. Good enough? You know it best.