I Miss You.

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Memories. they kept me feeling that you have never left.

Been replaying 'Ronan' by Taylor Swift since the day I got it. Love the emotions and feelings that is in the song as Taylor sang it in her beautiful voice. Was searching for the lyrics when I stumbled onto http://rockstarronan.com/
This was the reason behind the song. It was written for the little boy, who died fighting against cancer. But the lyrics were based on the blog, which is the mom's blog. She writes to Ronan everyday. As if he never left. Reading it made me feel so sad. seeing the pictures of cute little Ronan, reading the misery and how much his mom misses him, made me feel that life is sometimes so unfair. why bring happiness to the mom, why bring such a cute child to her, then take it away from her in such a cruel manner.. Cancer. If only cancer never really exist. or rather, if only there's a cure towards cancer. Then, people living on this planet wouldn't have to lose their loved ones, in such a painful manner.

We all have loved ones who leave us. Old age, sickness, accidents. People come and go. and we never know when. Have anyone of you woke up one day, only to realise one of your loved ones left and would never ever come back? Have any one of you ever wondered if that would happen one day? Or rather, have any one of you ever wondered if there would be one day, when we are the ones, who are going to sleep eternally, and forever separated from our loved ones because our time is up? We never really do. All we do, is take every single day for granted. every single day when we open our eyes, going on and on complaining about the things we are unhappy about with our lives. Reblogging, Retweeting, Reposting of things on blogs, tumblr, twitter, facebook about being grateful of opening our eyes everyday, about being contented of things we have that others dont--food to eat, a roof over our head, clothes to wear, healthy body, water safe enough for consumption, or just as simple as being able to live, move and laugh. But have all of us been reflecting on ourselves? Or have we just been reposting those quotes because we know they are true, because we feel they are so philosophical. and not because we are truly reflecting and thankful for the days we have, alive. I admit, I dont reflect. that explains the amount of complaints i have for my life. I admit. I speak like i reflect alot on my life. I speak like alot of you, thinking that we sound philosophical. but really, i dont think i truly reflect on my own life. and i am deeply ashamed of that contradiction i have with my mentality.

24th April 2011. He left us. I saw his photo the other day and i miss him. It's been a year plus. time really flies. It feels like it has only been pass for 3 months. but no. its been a year plus. but everything seems to vivid in my mind. That morning, when he left us. when he left to another dimensions, when he broke free from the sufferings he got from his failing body and diseases by leaving us for a place we can never bring him back. I woke up to the devastating news that he left. but what was more devastating and the regret was that i never got to see him for the last time. My dad didn't expect it to be the last, so didn't wake us up to go to the hospital. and because i had school the next day, i couldn't see him for the last time either. The last time i saw him, was the day before. I was having my MYEs during that period but i just suddenly has this feeling that i should go visit him. Just a sudden sixth sense struck me. I went, only to know where that sixth sense came from the very next day.

His skinny body. Grandmommy's tears.
 His struggles. Grandmommy's heartache.
His departure. Grandmommy's loneliness.
 His last worry-Grandmommy.

 

We miss you. Always will.

Today, i feel more loved than ever. i dont know why. i just woke up feeling this way. As much as my dad may not be involved so much in my daily life, as much as my mom can be that insensitive with her words, as much as my sister may be getting married and starting her new life with a new surname in just a few more months. But ytd, when my dad helped me wipe the rain drops away from my head and neck, it made me feel like daddy's little princess again. I know i've never been away from that title, but the feeling drifted. But it came back so strongly ytd. and my mom, insensitive but still caring. My sissy, she finds me annoying sometimes, but i guess which older siblings doesnt find the younger one annoying. heh. oh well, i love them all the same <3 

People in my life, Im happy you play a part in my life.

People who have yet to stepped in, I look forward to meeting you.

People who have left, you will be remembered, for the good things you have done for me.

I love you, to the moon and back.